Stats:

Myself: 31

STBXW: 32

High school sweethearts, married 4 years.

2 kids: 2yrs and 6mos

Finally reached the end of my tolerance with all of our fighting. I think it mostly things she needs to improve on, but the closer I get to taking the step, the more I blame myself. The last screaming match was again in front of our kids, glass was thrown and broken (not me)... a lot of shouting and everything. We've made numerous attempts to reset and "try harder" but it never seems to work. Some fights are just hours after we had the "reset" talk. Fighting in front of the kids is a big issue to me and after throwing glass in front of them, I think it's finally time to give up.

I've began looking for apartments, found one and am about to sign the lease. I just can't help but feeling like I'm leaving something on the table. Like, I am giving up too early. If I take this first step I know the narrative will be "I wanted divorce" and not us. I know that given our history we can't sort this out. We had problems before kids, and adding on the stress of young kids just makes it worse. I'm just scared to take the first step.

Can anybody else relate?