Fellows i just came here to say KEEP DOING THE RIGHT THING and everything will fall into place for you.

In July '22, my wife left me due to my drinking problem, and my "verbal and emotional abuse". I had developed a drinking problem due to the stress and hopeless feeling of being the sole breadwinner, in a passionless marriage with someone who i was no longer compatible with. i had deep guilt about the feelings i was feeling, and tried to bottle them up, and forget about them by drinking. This turned me into a pissed off, passive/active aggressive in my words, miserable person who lashed out at the ones i loved, usually my wife. When my wife told me that it was over after a severe binge, i felt like i was the biggest piece of shit on the planet. The wife had documented so many things i did and continued to throw them back in my face, that i thought for sure i would be fucked in the divorce, and would forever hold the guilt of breaking up our family, as we have 3 kids together. I feared i could never quit alcohol. I was ready to eat a bullet.

From that day in july until now, i have been on a long, painful, tearful, journey of self improvement, sobriety, and fitness. I slowly transitioned from an out of shape, self loathing, sad sack to being in peak physical condition, confident, happy, and energized. It began with quitting alcohol with the help of AA. I cried to strangers at a lot of meetings. Working the 12 steps led me to identifying and facing my past traumas and character defects that were tormenting my head. There are tons of free resources out there for this. free psych / self hep audio books on you tube helped me a lot. Clearing my head led me to accepting and actually being happy about being "dumped". All the while, i was being physical everyday without joining a gym. just eating right and doing body resistance workouts from you tube on my spare time. Lost 40lbs, strengthened my core, and got my chest and abs looking very defined. Getting out of my relationship, sobering up, and facing/dealing with the problems in my head allowed me to make a total transition into a new and exciting life full of positivity. My ex tried to use my past to demonize me in court as an erratic drunk so that she could have her way with custody. She felt entitled to sole custody and every other weekend for me. When she showed her laundry list of documented "he's a bad guy" things to the friend of the court refs and the judge, they were met with a cold response. They DID NOT CARE about the past because everyone likes a good come back story. They was more impressed with the effort made to improve, than a laundry list of past failures. I never did anything bad enough to warrant a call to the authorities, so my wifes weapons were rendered useless in the end. After 2 hearings, I got my 50/50, which i ended up molding into a 60/40...3 overnights a week and alternating holidays. its pretty much the best i could ask for, as i don't feel entitled to MORE time than mom.

If you would have told me a year ago, when i was in the shits, that this was possible, i would have dismissed it as a pipe dream. I read some of my past posts, and some of the posts here daily where some of you guys are in really bad shape mentally. separation anxiety, depression, etc. Its a horrible state to be in. I just want to pound home that no matter how low you feel, if you just keep doing the right things (and you're all adults, you know what the right things are) you will get back on your feet and great things will come your way. it might take a year or more, but just keep your head up, forgive yourself for your mistakes, and keep working hard.

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