Process like

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2024-05-09T02:16:07+00:00

Also in the first part of all of this. I've got FL-141 already done.

YOU FILE FIRST!! AND NOW!!

You will get to know all the FL-###'s forms and it's alot. Before marrying, couples should be made to fill out all the divorce forms. And EVERYONE, I mean EVERYONE should hire a good divorce lawyer BEFORE getting married and get a Pre-nup. I literally stroke my Pre-nup to sleep every night right now.

There are child support and alimony calculators out there google them. For alimony, it is pretty much how long you've been married (for your sake, I hope less than 10 years) and child support is a calculator.

I "hear" california is a 50/50 custody state. I've got the 50/50.

If you make more than her, you will make less after all this.

Go get $5-10k and put a lawyer on retainer and try as hard as you can to stay out of court.

Someone already mentioned a "default judgement". You don't want that unless you are amicable.

Go file first, there are advantages to this. You set the court dates, you get the first "ask" and get to present your case first for what ever that's worth.

MikeboltupG · 2024-05-08T00:43:18+00:00

I just went through a CA divorce. I am not a lawyer.

I think all CA divorces follow the process below. But I'm not a lawyer and don't really know. I don't think you can skip steps. I can't see how a judge can possibly make decisions without FL-142 for example. It's explained below.

This is my understanding of it all. CA divorce is much more involved than your wife thinks. And I think you can see a few steps along the way where you really want to have a lawyer.

Go read CA FL-100 very carefully. Link at the bottom. This is what kicks it all off. I'm assuming she'll be filing. So she'll fill in this document. She'll make a lot of requests directly to the court. She might propose custody arrangements or she might ask for temporary spousal support or ask you to pay for her lawyer. These are requests to the judge. She files this. It gets stamped. And these are the first few pages of hundreds of more to come.

You'll get a CA FL-110. This is a summons. Go read this form as well. Link at the bottom. A timer starts ticking once you are served this form. You have 30 days to respond. You respond with CA FL-120. It's a mirror of FL-100 except from your perspective. Again, read this form. It's your chance to make the same requests as your wife did.

Next is CA FL-150. This is basically a declaration of how well or poorly you're both doing financially. Both of you fill this out and staple pay stubs to it.

The judge will use FL-100, FL-120, and FL-150 to decide all the temporary things, stuff like temporary spousal support, temporary custody, etc. This sets the stage for the actual divorce. Both parties should be relatively financially stable at this point. The judge may order one side to help the other side. And the kids should be figured out for now.

And then divorce lands in a less hectic phase. Grab an inner tube and a beer. You'll be here for a while. Theoretically, both parties start hammering out an agreement between themselves and (hopefully) their lawyers. But there are 101 things that can slow this down including pettiness. CA is notorious for long, drawn out divorces. This phase lasted two years for me.

So two years later, no agreement? If you can't figure it out yourselves, it'll go to what's called a Mandatory Settlement Conference. This is almost like a mock trial. A court appointed lawyer with a ton of experience says what he/she would do if they were a judge. And he asks if both parties can agree to it. If both parties accept his proposed solution, you're done.

If either party rejects his proposed solution, it goes to trial. Trial is where the real judge actually starts making decisions for both of you. Your wife seems to think divorce starts off here. Nope. Trial is prohibitively expensive with lawyers. Only 10% of CA divorces end up going to trial because of cost. Trial is where weird things start happening. Expensive things. I don't know if it's as expensive without lawyers. Maybe.

Lifetime alimony is not actually a thing. CA has lifetime jurisdiction. But this shouldn't be a worry unless it goes to trial. If you settle, you should be able to limit alimony by capping years. I'd sell it as ramping down assistance until she can become independent. Maybe 7 or 8 years on a 20 year marriage.

https://www.courts.ca.gov/documents/fl100.pdf - petition

https://www.courts.ca.gov/documents/fl110.pdf - summons

https://www.courts.ca.gov/documents/fl120.pdf - response

https://www.courts.ca.gov/documents/fl150.pdf - income / expense

https://www.courts.ca.gov/documents/fl142.pdf - assets / debts

HONESTLY DUDE. (I'm in CA. Dude is a word.) It sounds like emotional decisions are being made here. I don't think she knows anything about the process. So it sounds more like a threat or ultimatum than a rational decision. Divorce is a horrible horrible horrible thing. Everyone loses. If this is all a spat over the car wreck, the dishes, or other such stupid shit, try counseling.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-07T05:13:26+00:00

Wow, seems like you're getting baited into a bad situation and manipulated. Failure to agree on "spousal support for life" is not not not amicable no matter her demeanor nor the words that come out of her mouth.

Did she actually say "After you're served you can respond if you want to".

Be careful and cautious. This smells very bad.

MikeboltupG · 2024-05-06T23:46:29+00:00

Is mediation after or before judge decision? And can i get a lawyer after judge decision

bluephotoshop · 2024-05-06T22:06:45+00:00

Know California’s divorce laws Get yourself a lawyer regardless! She could throw out MANY curveballs. Yes, you should respond within 30 days or be hit with a default judgement. Use your lawyer to respond. Don’t agree to anything from her unless it’s in writing.

TheBoyBand · 2024-05-06T22:03:29+00:00

LoL. Pull trigger on family lawyer, ESPECIALLY here in CA, perhaps my biggest mistake, it’s amicable until it’s not, you let a Judge decide you will be steamrolled, TRUST me, I ended up having to get an attorney to put my dumb ass overly entitled stbxw in her place.

MikeboltupG · 2024-05-06T21:51:00+00:00

Don’t want to get blindsided by her. She just relayed this info to me

Title	Process like
Author	MikeboltupG
Upvotes	3
Comments	10
Date	May 6, 2024 9:50 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1clv6v5/process_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/process-like.1517632 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517632

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