I need to move on with my life and $20,000 difference in the negotiation just isn't worth it. I'll pay it to have some finality. I wasted money on lawyers that essentially asked me if I could stomach the cost, providing very little guidance in the process. Pardon the rant but I need to air it out: She's a teacher I'm a scientist. She put me through hell during the last year of marriage- oozing hate and resentment. Her anger came from what could have been if she hadn't married me. I'm lucky enough to be making a lot of money relative to where we were a few years ago and she's going to struggle on her own. Her mom died early and her dad didn't value college so he didn't pay tuition- she's in debt. She stayed in school for a very long time and wants to return despite earning two degrees during our marriage.

Her lawyer started off saber rattling and insulted me throughout the process. She made up numbers, conjured bonuses and fudged facts to hit a target dollar amount that my ex wanted. Presumably because she was fighting for a cause: help the gay spouse leave a privileged white male. Ex has since reconsidered her change in sexuality. But why should I care? She's a liar to herself, to me and can't take responsibility for her decisions.

I felt like shit every time i got an email about the negotiations, until my lawyer confirmed that my ex's lawyer was acting like a jerk. My advice to anyone dealing with a lawyer is to forget the rationale behind anything and focus on the numbers - all the other shit is just to distract you from the decision making process. Or, better yet, fuck the price and pay for a lawyer to handle it all.

Hopefully this helps someone getting started.