Seeking Advice

bk2747 · 2026-04-03T14:33:50+00:00

20 year marriage, you absolutely are going to be on the hook for spousal maintenance (Texas version of alimony), Texas has done better on child support but it used to be one of the worst states to get hit with.

You need to fight for primary custody, that’s going to be your best chance at making it out with your finances in tact. Hopefully she’s not a SAHM, that’ll bite you in the ass but if she works, you need to go scorched earth.

The biggest issue is division of assets. The house, retirement, the bank accounts, etc….

Do your due diligence and find a good attorney, don’t just roll over and give her whatever she wants, fight tooth and nail for everything you’ve worked for and die on a hill for your boys. They’re better off with you.

I filed as the plaintiff, best thing I did for myself was we didn’t have a joint bank account, I separated our finances the moment things got rocky and I saw the writing on the wall, I also never went into debt with her and I didn’t buy a house while we were married. Saved my ass.

nutscrape · 2026-04-03T03:58:19+00:00

Why are you divorcing?

My big advice is to preplan as much as you can, avoid snap decisions (ideally, you've already preplanned it, but if not, you can always say, "let me think on it and get back tomorrow"), and keep in mind that they will likely become an opponent, and exploit any mistake or error you make, against you.

BloodstainedBearRug · 2026-04-03T03:16:14+00:00

Don't. You've got 2 kids who rely on a family. I'd do absolutely anything to be able to keep my family together for my son.

FallWestAI · 2026-04-03T03:11:13+00:00

get prepared. start running scenarios through AI - be very detailed. how much you both make, the type of custody situation, the state you are in. talk to it and ask questions.

I'm in the same state you are in. wife filed in early February and I moved out. learning as I go.

one bit of advice - you'll both be asked for quite a bit of financial documentation. accounts, retirement accounts, assets, debts, etc.. you wont be asked for the value of the inside of the house. so take pictures of everything, especially if you are leaving

NilesGuy · 2026-04-02T23:58:08+00:00

OP first checkout ChatGPT and other AI models just to give you an idea what your state laws says and process of divorce. Meet with attorney using knowledge gained from research and file . You’ll need a retainer probably around $5k range. You could ask for lifetime alimony depending on length of marriage & state laws says. Divide up everything equally assets/debts/401k etc. You definitely want shared 50/50 custody and since she’s the breadwinner she might end up having to pay you ( since her income is higher) child support depending on your state laws. Do not move out of the house whatever happens. A judge will consider that as if abandoning your family. Just keep in mind it’s cheaper if both of you can reach an amicable agreement and save on lawyer fees and a contest divorce

MaineMan1234 · 2026-04-02T23:22:39+00:00

Don’t be shy to push for alimony. Doesn’t matter if you’re a man, if you have a right to it, take it.

dystinct · 2026-04-02T23:08:47+00:00

It really depends on the route. Do both of you want a divorce? Mediation. If not, find a lawyer and start the process.

Title	Seeking Advice
Author	wordsmith8698
Upvotes	3
Comments	9
Date	April 2, 2026 10:58 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1sawkqt/seeking_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/seeking-advice.1577014 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577014

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