Shared Photo Account FML

kls1042 · 2021-06-28T00:36:52+00:00

I made the mistake of looking at stbxw's phone early on and I saw some similar stuff that was extremely hurtful. Honestly it will not seem like it, but it was for the best in the long run. It helped me understand that she was done and moved on and I should move that direction as well.

It's going to be tough. For me it was about 2-3 weeks before I was able to effectively cope with the disappointment. A couple of months on now, I can honestly (I think) say that it doesn't matter wtf she does. I am more concerned with how I am going to take care of myself and my kids when I move out in the next couple of months.

Use it as fuel for making yourself better. Run, cycle, work out, scream.... do whatever you need to do to keep yourself healthy, but use it to drive yourself forward and away from her.

I wish you all the best!

roxburgh54321 · 2021-06-28T00:00:39+00:00

No real advice man but know you are not alone. My stbx has hooked up with some guy now just a month after our separation has been made final and is now headed to divorce. Maybe just accept you can’t control it and focus on yourself and kids if you have them.

I feel low just now as well but in the back of my mind I know that someday I will meet someone that will treat me how I deserve to be treated and I will do the same to her. For now though my focus is on making sure my kids are ok.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-06-28T12:32:51+00:00

Women are not complicated. You may think they are complicated because you have been misled and lied to about female nature. Men have been socially conditioned for centuries to view women as mysterious and elusive creatures that are divine and unquestionable. This feminine mystique is sold to men as a fantasy that women are pure creatures without faults. It’s an inappropriate mental model of the human female that gets in the way of logical thinking. The feminine mystique which leads you believe women are life’s great unsolvable puzzle is a lie. This is how “nice guys” are created. Once you take women off the pussy pedestal and start looking at their behavior objectively, the illusion is shattered.

It's obvious she's been seeing other men for quite some time, and is the primary reason she is divorcing you. It wasn't a mistake that you found photos of her with other men. She meant for you to find them, because she knew it would unhinge you.

You need a self care plan. First and foremost, you need to get your PTSD managed. Get your ass to a doctor. Today. If not for yourself, then for your kids because the three of them are counting on you to be the stable parent. If they can't count on you, then look at who else will be their role model. Your wife will also use untreated PTSD against you in court as a way to keep you from having 50% parenting time. The court doesn't punish individuals who are managing their conditions.

anonymous-bog-trotte · 2021-06-28T03:58:28+00:00

Yes, here is my advice. Continue working on your PTSD, not for anyone else but for yourself. If you have not already done so, contact and engage a lawyer immediately. Get up off your ass and do that, do not delay. Accept the fact that she has moved on from you and is now actively seeking out and fucking other dudes. It is a tough pill to swallow, but that is the truth, and you need to operate in the truth, you cannot operate in anything less than that. You have to talk to your lawyer about getting out of that living arrangement and moving on as soon as humanly possible. You cannot stay there wallowing away holed up with her while you just swim in shit. You must take action to change your circumstances. And another thing, save all of those photos and evidence of sexting and provide them to your lawyer. Depending on the laws of your particular state, and depending on the laws addressing the legal status of separation, such conduct could still constitute infidelity and be considered a fault ground for divorce and bode well for you in future proceedings. It’s time to get serious now and to own your future. You never ever have to feel like this again. Take action!

brother1957 · 2021-06-28T17:19:03+00:00

Who wants to date a still married women with 3 kids under 10? Did she fudge the truth a little on her Bumble account? No matter to you. Please get help with your PTSD and move on.

Sea-Mission-6316 · 2021-06-28T19:20:21+00:00

Hate to see you here brother. I know it doesn't help, but you are not the only one who is or has gone through this. Most of us here have unfortunately been in your shoes. Please know that it will get better, it just takes a while. Take care of yourself first. Like the whole deal about putting on your emergency mask when on a plane. You have to put yourself first for now so you can be there to take care of your kids.

Make sure to get into therapy for your PTSD. My dad was a soldier and never would get the help he needed. It was painful to watch him spiraling downward over the years. Not sure if your PTSD is service related but it doesn't change the fact that you need help from someone who is trained and experienced. Whether it's the VA or a private therapist, do it. You and your kids deserve it. Life will get better, and you will look back someday and realize your ex did you a favor.

May peace be with you brother.

Title	Shared Photo Account FML
Author	Bioshock_Jock
Upvotes	12
Comments	8
Date	June 27, 2021 11:05 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/o97ssn/shared_photo_account_fml/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/shared-photo-account-fml.816623 https://theredarchive.com/post/816623

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