You reap what you sow - that's for sure. So my wife filed for divorce over two years ago. I was pretty surprised to be served out of the blue by some stranger obnoxiously pounding on my door. Part of me was deflated, part of me was relieved. Ok fine - I'm getting divorced. I saw a lawyer, did some back of the napkin math, and came back to her. Ok - first things first - we will need to sell the house. She was shocked and couldn't believe I would displace her and our two teenaged children. I explained this wasn't a tactic but a reality - there's just not enough money to pay everything! She works but pays no bills - oddly, that's something I took care of, to shield her from the stress of paying bill. Apparently her lawyer didn't go over anything like that either. So that's the setup - we live in NY, two (now) college aged kids.

Fast forward, it's 2 years later. The divorce is the elephant in the room that is never acknowledged. She said she wants to pay off debt (and we have a lot!) before moving forward. That's a good plan, except she hasn't paid a thing. Our car died - I had to buy a new one. She drives it - pays nothing (but we needed a family car). I have a somewhat lucrative day job, but work 2 other jobs on the side to help make payroll here at home. I am struggling financially and emotionally. I'm.totally exhausted. I approached her and said hey - it's time to sell the house. Let's make a plan. She quickly dismissed it - we can't afford to be divorced. She's pretty much right. Add to that, I've had two 'relationships' in this time, both died b/c the other couldn't deal with the fact that I still live with my spouse. I understand that - but it hurts.

I have 3 car payments, college tuition, mortgage, utilities, credit card debt. We have some equity in the house, but if we sold today, I bet much of that equity would be lost to paying off bills. Add to this, she also got an inheritance from her dad when he passed a year ago. I have no idea what it is, although I know that I am not privy to that.

Sorry this is so long - just trying to figure out what to do. I want to move forward - I am tired of living like this. Not too sure what I can afford, but part of me just wants to give her the house, keep my 401K and of course pay her maintenance/support. I'm not so sure she'd be able to afford the house even with that.

The paperwork is still valid I'm sure - she served me, I just didn't sign and her lawyer said we can tuck it away for now as we work through things. So I'm not even sure if that document is still valid, or if it makes sense to file again, this time I would serve her the papers?