Struggling today

DMECHENG · 2022-11-29T01:55:04+00:00

Stay up brother you’ll make it.

Gattsama · 2022-11-29T02:02:20+00:00

Sorry you are going through this man. In my case no kids, but it really helped me to just post long messages / vent on this board, and to friends/family that would listen. Also there's a reason we all say start working out. It's not just getting physically fit, the exercise is a huge mood stabilizer, the discipline and control and a good / health distraction. Sitting alone is not good for our mental health. You don't have to join a gym, can walk/run/hike + calisthenics. Or consider a martial arts group, or exercise group (eg meetup). Also good to meet new people and have social interactions.

Try to work on being physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit and financial fit (in that order). Study / read as much about your mental health, condition, divorce, etc as possible. In my case long history of emotional and mental abuse / manipulation, with some BPD traits. So had a lot of work to do to understand why I picked that person, stayed with that person, and how they were manipulating me. I don't have kids and I filed, so some of this was a easier on me.

If you have kids and are looking for 50/50 try to return to the house if able. Move into a separate room and put a lock on the door. Leaving can be seen as abandonment by the courts, and set a new status quo: there is nothing as permanent as a temporary order.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-11-29T08:14:36+00:00

Your family is you kids. We get fed this notion that the wife is part of our family which is a load of crap. Blood family is your family. Take care of yourself and your kids and try to move on. Most wives always focus on them before and during the marriage they don't really care about anyone else. The ones that really care don't get divorced. Struggle through this and with time you ll move on one way or another

thrownaway41422 · 2022-11-29T18:55:13+00:00

Hang in there brother. While I'm not you, I can really relate to the crying your eyes out and not knowing what to do next. It's hard and there really aren't any good answers. When things are at their worst just focus on making it minute to minute until I start feeling amlittle.better.

NoRolexNoSex · 2022-11-29T22:16:12+00:00

I hear ya man. The only good thing I have is my body, and hitting the gym like Im competing is the only way out of this hell. Find the Hotel gym now and start lifting, no cardio. No breaks. Id work out 7 days a week for a month and then cut in the breaks. When you reach for a beer start doing 20 squats and 40 push ups. Only can you have one beer. The pain is real and the only way to be the man you are is to become a hot guy. Hit the gym now. 30 mins of lightweight reps and do it again for the rest of the year.

Significant_Idea_663 · 2022-11-29T17:26:03+00:00

Just curious, why is your wife not the one laying in a hotel bed since the separation was not your idea? I am sure there is more to the story.

Addington_9 · 2022-12-15T19:28:36+00:00

Wife here! What I’d give for my husband to even recognize what you have recognized. If you want it to work… maybe space might just be needed and not a divorce. I know I just needed space so my brain could work again (and since he doing the work too) we are starting to rebuild . But the space was needed - we fell into a child/wife role so the space gave me a break to not “be his mom and have to do everything” and him some time to realize what was really going on. We were living in “bad” roles and I was forced to be the masculine role for a long time and that created a place where I realized it was easier without him then with him.

Title	Struggling today
Author	Addington_9
Upvotes	3
Comments	12
Date	November 29, 2022 1:46 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/z7fq1g/struggling_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/struggling-today.1141453 https://theredarchive.com/post/1141453

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