Thinking about leaving everyone

JohnnyMnemo · 2018-11-06T06:02:10+00:00

There is no one more self absorbed than a teenager. Remember when you were a teenager? Maybe you don't, but I do. I was so busy figuring my own head out the last thing I could was figure out someone else's. Let alone my father, who, honestly, we just take for granted as being a presence in our lives.

The thing that parents know that it takes a long time for their kids to realize is that parents are just people too, with feelings and everything. I'm 48, and a male, and an asshole, but still--put a gun to my head and I don't actually know my parent's birthdays, or how old they are.

But just because they don't know what they need and especially don't know how to express it, doesn't mean that they don't need it anyways. If you asked them, I'm going to leave tomorrow, is that ok? They might say sure.

But if you did leave they'd have a hole in their lives that no one else can fill. That hole would be there, even if they didn't have the sense to see it or express it and it'd take them a long time to even acknowledge it. Your job as the parent is to know better, to have the experience to know that if you did leave there'd be a hole even if they don't have enough experience to know it themselves.

Source: my dad left when I was 14. I was a geek but then I turned into a troubled youth and it took me damn near 20 years to understand why. I didn't know why I was angry all of the time, I just was. But my parents should have known better and intervened, because they had the experience to know better and I did not.

Lots of parents divorce but now they have some kind of custody in which they can still be present, for just that reason. You should move out and get your own living arrangements. But you should also be a factor in your kids lives until they are beginning adults, which is sometime after 18 but not before.

Also, happy birthday.

IRunYourRiver · 2018-11-06T17:22:29+00:00

Dude, forgive me. But. Man the fuck up. Your kids owe you zero emotional support. You need to support them. Want something nice for your birthday? Hit on the girl at Starbucks and take her to see Beck. The responsibility flows from the parent to the child, not vice versa. Does your boss at work get all wounded when people forget his or her birthday? This is a tough world and you're in a tough spot. BUT - you can take it.

Filthy_McNasty1 · 2018-11-06T14:09:22+00:00

Your little one spent time with you in an age-appropriate way.

Your teen spent time AWAY from you in an age-appropriate way.

Remember why you had kids: not so they would love YOU so much as so you could share your love with THEM to whatever degree they permit.

Just as you did on your birthday

reddixmadix · 2018-11-06T21:26:28+00:00

Eh, I am going to against the grain that is in the comments, and tell you to do what makes you happy.

Most likely, they are influenced by their mom. After the divorce, they will most likely live with their mom. Even if you manage to get some sort of custody, they will mostly live with their mom. Their mom will shape their opinion on you, and based on their behavior right now, you can see where that will go.

Not even a "happy birthday?"

You can stay around until the youngest turns 18, and be miserable for the next 7 years, or you can look into what will make you happy, and take some action.

Sometimes it is better to be selfish, and think only about yourself.

It is all up to you to decide how you want to handle things. Are your kids ignoring you in general, or is this an isolated incident? Still, I'd be mad as well if they didn't even bother to say a "happy birthday".

Good luck.

notadadanymore · 2018-11-07T04:06:39+00:00

Man I feel for you I really do. I am a disabled vet diagnosed with major depressive disorder. Depression is a very difficult thing for others to understand unless they've been through it themselves. It is best not to isolate yourself. I'm sorry your daughters who are of of an age they should feel compassion have not shown you the minimal amount of respect. Unfortunately being women they will always see you as an adversary, tool to be used to get what they want. I have two grown daughters that I have discovered have become women, average women, nothing special, typical selfish women. I recommend doing what I should have done and live for your own happiness. You can do your very best for the next 7 to 10 years if you want to sacrifice more of your self and your soul two women that will not appreciate any of it. I recommend doing a YouTube search for videos about men going their own way mgtow and also a guy named Terrence Popp. Terrence Popp is a retired Army Special Forces that has a great Channel on being a man in today's feminized Society. Check out his channel and his previous posted videos. They offer a lot of insight into how to regain your individuality and manhood. I am in Florida and if you need someone to connect with I'm here for you private message me, for real.

stealyurbase · 2018-11-06T10:54:44+00:00

Go see your therapist. Birthdays and holidays are hard. It’ll take a while before everyone comes to grips with everything. Give it time.

chutzpahinheels · 2018-11-06T14:21:22+00:00

Tell your daughters how you feel! Part of being a parent is teaching them caring behavior, it doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Also, Happy Birthday!

twistedwhitty · 2018-11-06T16:17:28+00:00

Dude, I feel you. I divorced a year ago and I have two daughters 13 and 16 and it's not easy. Their mom is a loud mouth drunk but to them, she can do no wrong. They don't want much to do with me either. I have talked with friends who say girls at this age are impossible to understand. Nothing makes them happy and they only think of themselves. BUT, they do love you it's just not easy for them right now. I am being as patient as I can with them. I tell them I love them, hug them and just hope for the best. Good luck my friend.

jam2xavier · 2018-11-06T18:10:55+00:00

I suggest taking to them but only to say, "let's go out together and do something". Try and let them decide what it is.

Title	Thinking about leaving everyone
Author	s2brown
Upvotes	4
Comments	10
Date	November 6, 2018 5:45 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/9ulshc/thinking_about_leaving_everyone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/thinking-about-leaving-everyone.819935 https://theredarchive.com/post/819935

Comments