Hey dad of 2 girls and 17 years married.

Wife’s been suicidally depressed for some years now and has other diseases that she takes medication for.

Bedroom has been dead, 10 months one quickie and I’m currently on the clock fearing for another 10 month drought.

Affection is max a peck on my check from her if I ask for it. She’s been caught having phone sex a month and a half ago where we had a huge fight and decide to stay together for the kids but she said she’s keeping the phone sex guy and I don’t get to have an emotional connection or female partner.

I’m being verbally abused weekly. Walk on eggshells constantly. My two daughters have been pulled into our fights by her (I would never involve the kids, 6yo and 8yo) and she emotionally slaps me around all the time.

I’m very tired. So very tired.

I’m afraid if I ask for a divorce, she will become aggressive towards the kids or me. Or herself.

I want out. It’s maybe wrong to feel that way but I want someone that desires me for me and loves me, instead of rejects me constantly. I’ve had a few discussion online with women due to feeling alone and one has sparked into something that may become something, after I divorce.

What should I do? I’m the main provider and she forces me to do her day job too at home when she is too lazy to figure it out herself while she watches her tv shows and complains I’m Sleepy and spend too much time on my phone. Sometimes I work into the night 2 am while she sleeps and I try to get her work done for her morning meetings.

I also work a 9-5 and I’m pretty good at my job. We work remotely. But it’s affecting my performance. I also run my own business, she owns 14% of it. I’m worried about that. I own 4 apartments and she’s in 3 of them in some name capacity, there’s some debt left on them and they’re rented out. I earn about 120k/year.

Love my girls, I provide, taught them to ride bikes, took them swimming, I was an active dad, but my activity levels are dropping, I’m still maintaining gym for myself and I’m fit and strong but mentally I’m, breaking down.

Any thoughts? Similar fates? I’m too kind and a people pleaser. No more Mr nice guy book is on the way to me.

I’m tired, she doesn’t give me enough sleep, it’s just constant chores. I do the laundry the dishes the everything. She sometimes lifts a finger.