Coming in just to vent a little today. Long story short, getting separated with stbx. I don’t want to. She does. We have a 15 year old daughter, together 17 years. She’s wanted to tell our daughter, I’ve been hesitant hoping we could reconcile. Well, today was basically the nail in the coffin. Lots of fighting, although we ended in a neutral place.

Daughter comes home in the early afternoon. She stayed at a friends last night. We all chit chat catching up. A few days ago, daughter asked stbx “what’s up with dad?”, seeing that Ive been off for a few months now. Stbx tells daughter we’ll all talk about it in a few days. Today, together, stbx does a “vibe check” to talk about it. I almost immediately start crying. I excuse myself to catch my breath.

I come back a few minutes later. Stbx starts talking. I hold steady until it’s my turn. I have some things written down, and I’m sure glad I did. I start to tell daughter how I feel. I’m crying, trying to make light of it, but it shows that it hurts. I only had a few short things, but they were difficult to get through.

Daughter doesn’t say anything. She’s quiet, picking at her nails, obviously a nervous tick. Then I see a tear run down her face. Damnit that tear set me off. Then another tear. I’m trying to hold in all my feelings, but it’s really hard. She lets out a few quiet tears over the next 15-20 minutes. Each one causes me to fall apart further.

I know it’s going to be better for both me and my daughter in the long run, but it hurt me so bad to see her hurt today. That has been the hardest part so far.

I can’t believe I’m the one that caused tears from her today. That hurt. Man, that really hurt.