I just wanted to share this to help anyone else going through this. Even though I wanted the divorce too and actually wanted it first (but let her file), I often get into these funks where my mind won't stop thinking about her.

I self-sabotage and only focus on "if I was this" or "if I was that" we could've worked. When it's not completely true. I had my flaws, but I can't let my mind trick me into believing that she was/is perfect.

So even though I have years worth of journal notes, videos, and voice memos to myself of all the bs she put me through. Sometimes I don't want to look at or listen to those. But recently, I decided to make a list of every single disrespectful thing that she did to me and it's working. I think of more things almost daily and seeing that list keeps me strong and reassures me that I'm headed in the right direction.

I'm already extremely hard on myself and addicted to self-improvement, so this is a good reminder to myself that some things are out of my control and that she wasn't this perfect irreplaceable being that my nostalgic mind wants to believe. We had good times, but the bad was always there and eventually outweighed, which is why we're here in the first place.

Stay strong fellas and be good to yourself.