Backup Boyfriend

zoemondo · 2020-10-02T01:37:19+00:00

Is there a study that this meme is based on?

As always, among adults past their teens/early 20s, men are more likely to cheat. I also read a study lately where men whose wives have cancer are 7x more likely to leave their wives than a woman whose husband has cancer.

Apparently factors like religion, family background, and age are significant factors in who is likely to cheat. Why is this always being left out of the discussion?

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091110105401.htm

https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america#:~:text=also%20means%20infidelity.-,In%20general%2C%20men%20are%20more%20likely%20than%20women%20to%20cheat,General%20Social%20Survey(GSS).

chofferblower · 2020-10-01T22:30:17+00:00

Okay first, I'd like to see the survey this infograph is based. There's a bazillion way to skew a survey in (sometimes) subtle ways, so it would you be good practice to check its integrity.

Second, and I'm only talking about the infograph here but what is a "back up boyfriend" ? Is it someone the respondent consciously recognizes as a back up solution ? Did they do it already prior to the survey ? Which credential do they give to this back up plan ? Enough to mention it in a survey, sure, but beyond that ? Is it someone they know have feelings for them ? A childhood friend they made a promise with in their teenage years to move in together if both were single at 50 ? A mere idea of someone they would be interested in furthering a relationship with ? Are said back up available to them ? You get the idea. The wording is vague at best.

Third, let's turn this infograph into numbers to make it a bit more clear. I feel like some of their numbering choices can be missleading. Let's work with a 100 people. So, among 100 respondents :

43 have a "back up boyfriend", whatever that means as I discussed
34 are "in contact with said back up", also whatever that means. Could be a colleague they talk to at work on the daily, a childhood friend. Could mean anything.
7 have stronger feelings for someone else than their official partner. Now this claim doesn't imply that the feelings are reciprocated. It could be a strong crush on a mere stranger next to a dying relationship.
27 partners of respondents are aware of this "back up person", again, whatever that means. Aware could also mean a lot of things, from knowing the person to being fully aware of the relationship dynamic between them and their SO.
9 of those "aware" partners are actually friends with the "back-up".
4 of said "back up persons" are actually self-declared, which doesn't tell us anything about the feelings of the respondents, or their eagerness to switch.

I guess the key takeaway here are : 7% of respondents are unhappy in their relationship and have someone on sight to switch too, and 4% have an unambiguous opportunity to switch may the need arise. Those two populations may also be overlapping to some degree. This seems extremely inconclusive to support that "all women have a back-up plan". In my experience they often actually don't.

Inareskai · 2020-10-02T09:45:17+00:00

If they've not got any sources (and legitmate ones at that) then my thoughts are 'this is made up bullshit'.

67% of men in trp make up statistics. (this is a joke, because these are numbers I pulled out of my ass but if I put them on an image and tell people what they already believe, I bet it'd be shared all over the place as 'truth')

2020-10-03T08:02:09+00:00

Personally, I take a lot of time to emotionally decompress after a relationship ends. I know women who struggle being alone/single and seek out a new relationship shortly after their old one ends, but even then it is still after the fact. These women are filling a void in their life, not looking for new options while they are in a relationship. None of the women I know talk about having backup boyfriends and the women I know in relationships don’t talk about their male friends as potential dating options.

Honestly, the women I know who are in relationships are all pretty loyal. If someone doesn’t want a committed relationship, they are generally upfront about their intentions to see other people. These days it’s socially acceptable to engage in hookup culture or ask for an open relationship, so if a woman wants to sleep with other people, she typically won’t get into a committed relationship in the first place.

My approach isn’t looking for the ‘best possible option’ in a boyfriend. If I’ve found someone I like and am compatible with and all the stars align, I’ll typically be in it for the long haul and don’t spend much time wondering about better options. I believe that trust, respect, and love are developed over time. My boyfriend and I have shared a lot of experiences and trials together. He has seen me at my worst, he has stood by my side when things were tough, and he knows me well. Our relationship has also grown and weathered fights, distance, and hardship. I couldn’t care less if an objectively more attractive, more intelligent, etc guy came along because that history is what makes my relationship special. I don’t have that history with a stranger, and I don’t have the time or energy to develop that connection with a “backup boyfriend”.

I know none of this is scientific evidence, but I hope it provides at least some food for thought.

ItIsnt0verYet · 2020-10-01T21:34:10+00:00

A survey would need to be posted for me to have any feelings on this besides rp bs. I know i don't keep "back up boyfriends" and i usually take at least a few months to get my emotions right before looking for someone new. None of my friends mention back ups either. A back up would imply that youve both found someone youre interested in and willing to date who is also willing to wait around for you to be single again, if that ever happens. Those don't sound like compatible traits to me.

RedKingRising · 2020-10-07T03:03:42+00:00

It doesn't matter. Worrying about a backup boyfriend is insecurity period. If she's with you, she's with you...if she's not..she's not. It's that simple. What can you do if she has one? you won't know about it. She could have five or none. Literally it's no way to know and nothing you can do but live your life and enjoy where you are right now. Worrying about this will only lead to a failed relationship.

Title	Backup Boyfriend
Author	RoseAvara
Upvotes	2
Comments	11
Date	October 1, 2020 9:25 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/j3ho7u/backup_boyfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/backup-boyfriend.274265 https://theredarchive.com/post/274265

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