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Do I accept that we will always be heteronormative and should I accept that men will always be the pursuers no matter what

defo18

May 31, 2020

0 upvotes

/r/ExRedPill

Every single time I look back at my interactions with girls the one glaring feature is that on some pills to impress them and I keep thinking what is that and why

I got cheated on and I wanted to have another girlfriend again so I could forget so I could try to move on and enjoy someone else but I've been 5 years single and it's making me think my ex-girlfriend was right in cheating on me

I knew I wasn't a catch but I didn't think I was so far down below the barrel that I would end up half a decade alone after getting cucked so hard

Despite her horrible personality she was able to go on and meet so many different people and I have gone out and tried to meet people too and I ended up with nothing and I don't think I can get over that. We are around the same age yet she was able to f*** 10 plus dudes and I'm still here alone every night wondering what about myself do I have to tweak or change next and what about myself should I stay the same

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Post Information

Title	Do I accept that we will always be heteronormative and should I accept that men will always be the pursuers no matter what
Author	defo18
Upvotes	0
Comments	58
Date	May 31, 2020 6:00 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/gu3njt/do_i_accept_that_we_will_always_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/do-i-accept-that-we-will-always-be-heteronormative.670105 https://theredarchive.com/post/670105

Comments

[–]globeglobeglobe2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]globeglobeglobe4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]globeglobeglobe1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Exactly I have that type of confidence I know my self-worth yet I keep encountering women who somehow want me to be edgy

It's one thing to know logically you're worth something, another thing to internalize it. From what you post, it still seems like you're hurt by your ex and you invest far too much emotional energy in what women think about you.

There's nothing wrong with being edgy and flirtatious. It's a skill that can be learned and improved just like cooking, painting, or soccer. It may make you more attractive as a romantic partner, it may make your life more worth living to know, but nobody is entitled to disparage or berate you for not being good at them. Quite simply it's not worth getting too emotional over. I really know it's harder in practice than in theory, and I'm certainly no expert, but definitely try to separate your attractiveness/social coolness from self-worth.

[–]defo18[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]globeglobeglobe1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]defo18[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link

[–]verdantsound2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link

[–]Alonminatti1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]verdantsound0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Alonminatti2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]verdantsound0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link

[–]verdantsound1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]Alonminatti1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]verdantsound0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]verdantsound2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted]1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]defo183 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–][deleted]1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

What do you think is fucked up about it?

Look at in a basic form without all the bullshit, rules and games everybody tacs on to it.

Oversimplified, men are more muscular, physical, and aggressive so they can provide protection sustenance for a family i.e. a mate and offspring. Women are more gentle, nurturing and emotional In order to provide a home and the emotional support her mate and offspring need.

Is that sexist? I guess. Not one of those traits up there I mentioned are bad traits to have. They are not demeaning in anyway. Also, any sex can exchange any one of those traits for another trait at anytime they want. It doesn’t change the fact that the majority of the population was born a certain gender and with the stereotypical instincts of that gender.

Please note that I said the majority and not everyone.

This is all basic and simplistic. It will not include every combination of every relationship that you can have out there.

The basic stereotypical woman instinctually wants a man who will love and protect her and her offspring. The basic stereotypical man wants a woman who will love and take care of him and his offspring. They each want a partner to work in conjunction to raise superior offspring.

Superior offspring = the best and strongest traits of men; strength, self-confidence, physical dexterity and women; domestic, nurturing, loving.

That’s where it starts and that’s how physical attraction starts.

Everything else comes in to play after you start dealing with the opposite sex and get mental issues.

I’m sorry if it offends you.

[–]shill_4201 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]verdantsound0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]globeglobeglobe0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Men and women just have different standards. A mans standards to have sex with a woman are; does she not smell like rancid garbage and is she breathing. I think even those are somewhat negotiable at times, to some men. So sure, your ex is able to sleep with practically anyone she wants, if that’s all she wants from them.

This isn't about "men and women" so much as the online-dating business model. In free versions of apps, you aren't shown all your likes (encouraging you to swipe on everything in hopes of a match) and you are quickly thrown to the bottom of the stack (so only people who haven't yet found a match will see you). The only way around this is to pay for premium, or drop your expectations considerably, encouraging men to drastically undervalue themselves. No need to play the game of Tinder-style apps and become a miserable incel.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I’ve stopped with the online dating. I actually live in a huge city and it was the same people on every single app over and over and over. Also, I received just about as much angry hate mail (unprompted) as I did “heys” so at times it was so disheartening I decided to save some therapy money and just quit.

However, male and female, everyone I know swipes (is it right for the 👍🏼yes) on every single damn profile and then takes their pick out of people who reply or swipe on them. That would just make me more confused I have a hate/ hate relationship with OLD

It’s better to meet organically. I know I’m way too old fashion. I like to throw out the nonverbal cues, eye contact, a smile and then the male can approach me (my grandma told me that the flower doesn’t chase to be ha ha)

But I guess that’s all off-topic anyway.

When it comes to sex, just plain raw “going to fuck” sex no matter what the choices are men still have lower standards.

[–]globeglobeglobe2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]verdantsound1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 6 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[removed]

[–]raziphel1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]WestAtmosphere0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

This is true but it’s because men mainly want sex from women, their first instinct isn’t a loving relationship.

So ofc you have demand for sex, and a smaller group of women willing to give sex. The men wanting sex far outweighs the women willing to give random sex, perform in porn or other venues. So when a woman wants sex she can get it no questions asked because that’s what men want.

Most women want love and will put out thinking they will get love in return from giving sex.

A man has to pursue to show his true colours, what does he want, sex or love? A women who doesn’t give out sex (hookups) and chooses her partners wisely will want a man who doesn’t have sex with everything. There’s no choice but to wait and see what commitment the man is willing to give.

So there’s different kinds of struggles. You could be the woman men want to sleep with but never settle with. Sex isn’t the main ideal for majority of women, so in some cases we lose in the emotional connection department which is necessary for female arousal.

[–]Tavarshio-1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]WestAtmosphere0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Tavarshio1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] -2 points-1 points0 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Hkr0067 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

One of the worst aspects of the red pill is that some of it based on actual truth.

Some women indeed do want to use men in ugly ways and do treat dating like some stupid game.

Some women are aware of how attractive they are and do know that they can manipulate men.

Sadly, there are plenty of men who have been hurt by manipulative women, and this has shaped their paradigm in horrific ways.

However, the red pill philosophy takes it way too far and treats every woman as if they are all inherent manipulative jerks.

It cannot be denied that an attractive woman will always have a better chance of scoring than an attractive man. That is basic biology. Unfortunately, she has realized that she can manipulate men with her looks and she has hurt you.

Your ex does not represent all women. The red pill has a black and white mentality. It says that all women are manipulative whores essentially. With this mentality, it becomes nearly impossible to respect women.

Your emotions are reacting in survival mode and they are looking for something to blame. For many men, they learn to hate women. Your emotions are trying to protect you.

It's natural to jump to the conclusion that "women suck" after dealing with a person like that.

Intellectually, the fact that you realize that it's false and that you are just hurting means that you are on the right track.

In your private time, I suggest having a shouting session where you mentally or physically say what you wish you could say to every woman, and dont hold back. This is a personal exercise that I do when I feel like I am unreasonably upset at someone but when I cannot realistically do anything about it.

I take myself into my closet or car and I start yelling at whoever I feel hurt me and do not hold back on language. In this case, I would tell you to also pretend that you are yelling at a crowd of women too. Shout as if you are really yelling at people. Let the fucking rage out. Again, do this in a private area and you may have to temper your voice if you dont have the privacy you'd like, or maybe even be forced to write it down instead.

This purging will get your emotions out of your way. You are pissed and need a way to let it out.

Intellectually, hearing yourself say all of that awful, absurd stuff will get you to realize how insane it is.

For me, it usually snaps me out of what I am feeling.

It could help you.

[–]defo18[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

It definitely feels like that

When I was younger I thought I was actually doing better I was talking to people and putting myself out there and having a good time but I was never going to have any success and I wish I could tell my younger self that

And I wasn't Arrogant with it like every teenager I always thought maybe one day.

Feel like an absolute child now and I can't seem to find any positive Silver Lining between all of this because every time I was beating my head in over if I said something correct or not the same girl I was trying to attract was having no problems with other men and I don't understand how you can't feel inferior

Especially hearing a lot of women say they don't like to teach inexperienced man it seems like I really should have buckle down in middle in high school and tried harder because doing it at this age seems to be like a death sentence

I've grown into my looks and I'm starting to realize I'm not that bad looking but I feel absolutely nothing from it because if I was that good looking good why haven't I had that much luck

[–][deleted] 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]defo18[S] 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I completely get that I know there are tons of men and women out there that are super cool and open to anybody myself included

I've been after cheerleader types and sensitive types and party girls and artsy girls and I really don't have a seat preference because they're all different and have something cool about them but it really does feel like a guy either has to be super Suave or super super built or successful and only these three things

That's why I'm taking myself now because I wish I would have tried and to find a girl who was a little bit nicer because when I was young of course you're going to feel bad for your girlfriend and I try to help her through it but I didn't know that it was toxic at the time and I didn't know that her insulting me and putting me down was abuse

I can never imagine telling my girlfriend or wife to get back in the kitchen or fix me a sandwich or whatever other gender bulshit.

[–]raziphel0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]beigesun0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Inareskai0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Inareskai0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Inareskai0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]defo18[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I can promise you a lot of girls feel the same about man! I (F) had many guy friends in high school and I was considered 'one of the boys' to some extend. I noticed how many of them were cool dudes but had the potential to be such assholes depending on the girl. I believe it's the same for women. Some girls will always be manipulating, some will be nice and have different intentions depending on the man, and some will always be nice. It's very hard, imo, to find a person who will treat you only with respect and kindness, no matter their intentions with you, so it's normal that you've dealt with a lot of the rest.

We don't really have a choice to be cautious about entering a new relationship or friendship, but you'll never be able to fully open up to the group of women who are actually nice if you don't give some people the benefit of the doubt. I know a lot of women who are very ill intentioned and some who truly are nice and would make wonderful gf, so please hang in there and don't loose hope!

[–]Gackt0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link