I feel as if some of my experiences in life have "red-pilled" me forcing me to become paranoid and distrustful of people. No matter where I go I perceive people to be fake and not to be trusted. This then in turn fuels my obsession with the ideology. I don't want to spend a lot of time online but there is nothing better to do sometimes. I always have an "I told you so" mindset when something goes wrong in the life of someone I know. Making friends (is doable) and getting a girlfriend is borderline impossible as the standards are so high. In many ways I feel like I have a prejudice against women and that women are looking to destroy men altogether. The red pill ideology feels like a comfortable pillow to rest my mind. It makes me psychologically lazy in a sense. If people suck then why bother seeking out friendships and romantic relationships? I don't want to be paranoid and negative anymore. I am seeing a therapist.