How do I stop feeling despair?

RedPillDetox · 2021-09-23T21:17:02+00:00

I'm also terrified of the fact that if someone knows about my lack of experience they won't want to be with me.

There's really nothing special to know about dating someone. It' not really a skill like playing football or writing a book, there's nothing to learn. Being experienced may get you wisdom on how to navigate things. But that's about it. Even the most experienced people fuck up in dating all the time, often spectacularly. I'd even add that bad experiences in dating are almost a given. I've had them, you will have them, everybody has them. Besides you don't have to tell anything about your past if you don't want to.

How do I stop despairing and convince myself that I will be fine in the dating department in the future?

You kinda don't. Trying to persuade yourself of the opposite of what you truly feel is only going to create a vicous cycle of psychological avoidance that reinforces the constant thought that you're not enough. Just accept that dating is confusing and you're scared as fuck but you're gonna try and do your best once the opportunity presents itself. And Don't beat yourself over when it will happen. It will happen whenever it will happen.

vcreativ · 2021-09-23T21:36:28+00:00

I beat myself up even though I know it's not entirely my fault because of lockdown and my past mental health issues.

Like, sometimes it helps to hear this from the outside. Especially over the last year, that's definitely not your fault.

The beating yourself up points towards a lack of self-worth. You're looking for validation in places outside of yourself (it seems). I.e. you're depending on the external world to provide something you yourself need to grow. So the bad news is, it's all up to you, the good news is, all you need you already have.

Despair can just mean that your expectations are not in line with reality. Listening to and "pilled" content will basically do that to you. In your early 20s I think that's kind of normal (not to trivialise anything). It will fade away over the next few years as you understand yourself better and as you build self-worth. In my mind, that should be your target.

Do you do anything outside of things that one way or another relate to meeting women? Because if you aren't, then that's what you should be doing. It's great that you are out and about in the real world. Just don't fall into the trap of thinking an interaction has failed just because it didn't result in sex.

Honestly, it's a bit of a cliche at this point, but if you can grab hold of some talking therapy, I'd give that a shot (I should note, this is like a British understatement, what I mean is "Do it!"). It's a catalyst for self-development, especially if you're open.

Whenever I feel down it feels like the red pill and black pill ideas are correct.

Great you've identified when you're most easily manipulatable. What you describe makes perfect sense. As you're feeling down your logic circuits don't fire as well as they should and you're more vulnerable to things that on a good day you'd trivially disregard as nonsense.

I'm also terrified of the fact that if someone knows about my lack of experience they won't want to be with me.

Nobody that loves anyone would give a damn about lack of experience. That's just my take (and my experience). Now I am not a woman, but I am entirely positive that some might care, and that those are ok to filter out.

Best of luck.

LadyKitana · 2021-09-23T22:14:25+00:00

Hey ! Just wanted to offer you one woman’s perspective, first I am sorry you feel this way! This pandemic has made it very hard for a lot of people you’re not alone. Second it’s good that your taking to different people, and focus on things you love to do that will help. I was also very shy at the same age too, the only thing I will say is that experience will teach you is that everyone is different and yes even the most experienced people don’t’ always get it right. Trust me ! You just gain the confidence to know this and keep going, yes it can get tough but you learn. What one woman likes another will not, there are women who will like the fact your not experienced. Especially in your age group trust me those girls are trying to figure it out too Hang in there!

fijupanda · 2021-09-24T14:47:04+00:00

Have some faith in yourself and start loving yourself some more.

We all fail many times at the dating scene, there is nothing perfect about anyone's dating track record.

I'd consider it cool and sweet that you don't have much experience.

Don't take it as a chore or a task. Try to let things go spontaneously. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't just move on and think a bit more to the positive side of things in the future or be indifferent to seeming failure at dating.

BrianW1983 · 2021-09-29T00:04:48+00:00

Don't sweat it. Dating is difficult and stressful for most people.

OhwellBish · 2021-10-24T08:20:58+00:00

You are 23. How many other aspects of your life do you really have figured out? And what are the consequences if it takes you a little more time? I was a late bloomer and in hindsight it saved me from accumulating a ton of relationship baggage. If a relationship is what you want, keep pursuing, but you have to be willing to learn from your mistakes and let BS and nonsense roll off of you like water off a duck's back. The right person won't fear your lack of experience. They will cherish it.

Title	How do I stop feeling despair?
Author	foreignleandrip
Upvotes	5
Comments	8
Date	September 23, 2021 6:22 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/pu1dtj/how_do_i_stop_feeling_despair/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-i-stop-feeling-despair.1074740 https://theredarchive.com/post/1074740

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