I'm beginning to not care anymore

Emma_Lemma_108 · 2024-05-03T19:26:27+00:00

Humans are a social species, and we are wired to care about others' opinions of us. This is natural -- being generally liked/respected was (and in some ways, arguably still is) a matter of survival.

I think you are making wonderful progress toward the life and mindset you want. It isn't a linear process, so of course, you'll struggle to find that balance between accepting that you care and internalizing EVERYTHING people think of or say about you! I don't know of anyone who reaches a healthy mental balance all at once. There's always a lot of back-and-forth progress, with two-step forward, one-step-back dynamics that come into play. That doesn't mean it isn't progress, though.

If you want to be "cool," you've got to know what that means to you. If you want to be perceived as "cool," you've got to know what that means to the people around you. Ultimately, it sounds like you want to cultivate a mindset that allows you not to think so much about others' perceptions of you, but you also want to be a genuinely admirable man. You want to align yourself -- and your behavior -- with your values. That sounds like a wonderful goal if you ask me.

Dating IS unplanned and unpredictable. What we call "dating" is just a series of separate interactions with individual people, and each interaction sets the scale at 0, so to speak. The personality traits, beliefs, patterns of behavior, perceptions, etc of one person will not carry over to the next, or to the person after that, and so on. Each interaction begins a new, blank document where you (and the other person) begin to write a new list of "rules" or "plans" or whatever you want to call them (observations? Understandings?).

With this in mind, it's easy to see how people get "burned out" on dating. Online/app-based dating has increased the interaction volume to unprecedented and arguably unnatural levels that no human being has evolved to handle in a healthy way. I honestly feel that this is behind a ton of incel/redpill/gender war-based perceptions in people who are actively looking to date or who have actively been looking to do so in the past. Having this many separate social interactions on a regular basis (no matter how brief most of them may be) simply isn't "normal" from an evolutionary perspective. We aren't wired for it.

It's impossible for most humans NOT to care about others' opinions of them. However, it is possible to address how this care expresses itself in our thoughts and behaviors. Consciously choosing to notice, observe, and challenge those thoughts/behaviors will help moderate how your inherent social needs impact your overall well-being. I think you're on the right track, op, even if you aren't quite "there" yet as far as a truly healthy, sustainable mindset goes.

My long-ass comment is just me rambling about related things I have personally thought a lot about in the past.

XxMarlucaxX · 2024-05-04T01:34:24+00:00

I think that's a good mindset! Being more authentically you and not giving a shit about what others think is actually a very attractive quality. People can sense desperation for acceptance and I think it makes them uncomfortable. But when you're simply being you, you attract like minded people. Let dating be something that just occurs whenever if ever it occurs, and not a huge focus point for your life, and you'll likely find more success. People like to be wanted, not needed

AlwaysCheesy · 2024-05-03T23:46:51+00:00

Forgiving yourself and accepting that you’ve made mistakes is probably the most important part. Which is what this sounds like to me. I think you need to try and conceive of ways to improve your connection with yourself. Have you ever done gratitude journals? Essentially everyday you wake up and write 3-5 things you’re grateful for. It’s important to do this daily because it creates a new way of thinking for your brain. Gratitude is an immensely positive emotion, and you can develop a healthier sense of self esteem and appreciation for yourself by doing this. Like how working out can improve muscle mass, doing something like this can change your thought patterns for the positive. Best of luck on your journey of growth. Healthy self esteem comes from a healthy relationship with yourself and a positive mindset.

luridlurker · 2024-05-04T00:04:27+00:00

I guess in a twist of irony, I do care what others think about me, as adopting a character shows that you still do care about what others think of you to some extent.

Good for you, OP! This is an important step as is not getting all twisted up about someone else's ideas or opinions.

Figure out the character you want to be and then head for that. Compare yourself to your past self and don't bother comparing yourself to others.

Some people will be indifferent to you. That's ok. Some people won't like you. That's ok. You won't be everyone's cup of tea.

Some people may actively sabotage or try and put you down. That's ok, you can learn to filter those people out.

Some people will be helpful and supportive ---learn how to seek these people out and be supportive and helpful to others.

Good luck! Life is chaotic. Be kind.

watsonyrmind · 2024-05-03T18:44:13+00:00

How does any of this translate to your day to day life?

OptionsSniper3000 · 2024-05-03T22:16:58+00:00

Lose your ego. That’s the problem

Title	I'm beginning to not care anymore
Author	KaliFlesh
Upvotes	10
Comments	26
Date	May 3, 2024 6:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1cjg4uu/im_beginning_to_not_care_anymore/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/im-beginning-to-not-care-anymore.1517352 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517352

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