How do I look less threatening to women?

tiboldpinkus · 2024-05-27T22:51:06+00:00

you’re not threatening to women

Vocational_Sand_493 · 2024-05-27T23:06:07+00:00

I assume we're talking about strangers, or maybe people who you see often but aren't friends with? Here's some hopefully obvious suggestions-

Don't approach and corner anyone (starting conversations with strangers while the 2 of you are alone)
Don't ever talk about dating, politics, weapons, sex, or other controversial subjects while strangers can overhear.
If you're chilling in public somewhere, watch your gaze. Don't stare at ppl walking by (it's pretty instinctual), keep yourself busy with a phone or book
If you're walking home at night, don't end up following a woman by accident. Freaks them out. Cross the road, sit down at a bench for a few minutes, etc.

Generally, you don't wanna think of yourself as a dangerous person, because that tends to affect how you act & makes you withdraw a lot. A good vibe is happy, confident, easygoing, but not pushy or overly extroverted.

oldcousingreg · 2024-05-28T02:06:31+00:00

Your mannerisms are more important than your muscles. Make sure you don’t stare, linger around, etc. you don’t want to be the creepy guy in the corner.

Just go about your business. Build up your self-confidence, and be friendly. Think about going to the grocery store and small talk with the cashier. That’s where you want to start.

Raging_Dragon_9999 · 2024-05-28T01:40:41+00:00

You're not a threat at all. Go join the ballroom dancing, swing dancing, and or salsa dancing club. It's an easy platonic way to learn how to be around women and build some confidence and have fun.

floracalendula · 2024-05-27T23:01:24+00:00

Okay, full disclosure: I creeped your profile. I saw you had posted a picture, and I looked.

I would not feel at all threatened by you. I would feel safe around you. There is something welcoming about your face. That said, you're BIPOC, yeah? White women are batshit insane (I get to call us out on that, I am The White, my DNA test came back half-WASP). Becky and Karen call little Black boys thugs, that's how fucking warped they are. So stay away from any potential Beckys on campus.

Aside from the stereotypes, which you can't help, getting women to feel safe about you is going to depend on how chill you can be around us. Which you can! :) So really just... practice the little graces. The hi, hello, how are you, oop, your hands are full, let me grab the door. Don't freak if she tries to hold the next door for you, some of us love to reciprocate the respect and politeness we're shown.

As for clothes, yes, looking like you take decent care of yourself is important. It tells us you're out here touching grass. Sadly, there are kinds of men whose mental health interferes with their self-care in ways that women have learned to perceive as danger signals, because a man who snaps might be on the phone with you begging you to talk him down from killing his live-in girlfriend... and yes, that was oddly specific, that happened. :(

tl;dr you're really doing everything right that you can at this point, go with God

InterestingEbb1892 · 2024-05-28T03:23:19+00:00

brother i ask myself the same question

i hope you became comfy with you in your skin

do it for all of us king

mikey_weasel · 2024-05-27T23:10:44+00:00

One thing that definitely helps is being a "peer-reviewed man". Being seen around women and seen having female friends really helps. Your already some degree of "vetted" if you are introduced as someone's friend.

VovaGoFuckYourself · 2024-05-28T18:23:19+00:00

The fact that you are asking these questions means you probably aren't the kind of dude women are afraid of.

By asking the question, you are demonstrating 🌈!!Empathy!!🌈

Empathy is like.. the greenest of green flags. Sure, you might stick your foot in your mouth and say the wrong things sometimes, but as long as you approach those experiences from a position of empathy, you will learn from those experiences and do better in the future.

To me, few things are more attractive in a potential partner/friend than a concern for my comfort and feeling of safety. The first time a guy ASKED before kissing me, internally i was like "wow, a dude asking for consent for the most basic intimacy is HOT as FUCK". I wasn't expecting to be so impressed by that, but i totally was.

HelenHavok · 2024-05-29T02:28:37+00:00

People have mentioned a lot of the big safety stuff, but one of the more consistent problems I’ve encountered is men monopolizing me with conversation, especially when I’m busy doing something else. it sounds strange, but you can be cornered by conversation about as well as being physically cornered. And a lot of guys don’t seem to recognize what they’re doing.

Here’s an example: my friend was gardening in front of her house, where she lives alone. A man walking by complemented her garden and struck up a conversation. He seemed harmless and friendly, but 30/45 minute later, after giving him several nonverbal and verbal cues that she wanted the conversation to end (like “well, I still have a lot to do today” and “it’s been nice chatting with you”), he just kept on talking. The light was fading and she started to get uncomfortable that he wouldn’t leave. She was more forceful about ending the conversation and he eventually left.

A day later, he left a handwritten note wedged in her door, which supremely creeped her out. Then he called her work, asking for her. This man now knew where she lived, where she went to church, and where she worked. He gave up trying to get ahold of her after my male boss made it clear he wasn’t to contact her, and she still mostly believes he was harmless (I don’t), but the first red flag here was when he monopolized her time and space.

I’ve had this happen to me at the grocery store, while waiting alone in the subway, on an airplane, and while doing yard work. Choosing not to do this requires an awareness of cues that a woman might want to end a conversation, but feels trapped physically or by politeness. Good men may just be excited about the topic or think they’re forming a connection, but please be aware of the context and situation because I can’t tell you how many times these “friendly” conversations have seriously creeped me out.

And not without reason. I’ve had men follow me home after I ended conversations where they cornered me. One time at a 7-11, I politely ended a conversation where the man wouldn’t stop following me around the store while talking to me and he became physically threatening.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2024-05-28T05:29:51+00:00

Okay the best thing you can do is stop worrying so much about being threatening to women. When you worry about it so much you will come off as a little off which will make you more threatening to women. Just chill out and connect with people.

OkFuel9953 · 2024-05-28T18:29:26+00:00

You don’t seem threatening from the jump. I’m tryna work on seeming more natural myself (am mildly autistic).

I’d say use a natural and clear speaking voice (from the stomach, but also don’t try too hard to force it to be deeper than it is). Make sure you speak not too fast and breathe before you speak. Have a chill smile and nod when listening to people in conversations. Smile and have a level of enthusiasm while you are speaking, but don’t make the smile seem forced or too wide (and don’t seem hyper or over the top). Keep eye contact with people but don’t hold your eyes too wide or “stare into the soul” and make sure to blink naturally. The face should be relaxed with a mellow smile or neutral face, and not overly wide eyes.

Other than that jsut be yourself and keep working on expanding your social horizons and I think you’re on the right track.

Hope this helps bro!!

beigs · 2024-05-28T03:28:28+00:00

The fact that you’re conscious about this means that you probably don’t give off those vibes.

This works for men and women - if you are open and talk and are conscious about things, like grabbing a drink and giving an unopened can to a friend, or checking in with them if they are surrounded by a group, staying with them if they’re drunk or calling them a cab and making sure they get home safely. Asking “what do you need me to do?” Instead of immediately trying to solve stuff and inserting yourself in their space.

This is for both men and women.

You will be not only less intimidating, but known as a thoughtful person by those around you.

If you’re Machiavellian, your girlfriends can be some of the best wingmen ever.

xvszero · 2024-05-28T00:31:37+00:00

Sounds like you're doing fine. Just make sure you don't say sexist or creepy things.

Upper_Ad6656 · 2024-05-28T12:35:44+00:00

You’re overthinking it honestly, just go out say hey give a compliment strike up a convo there’s not much else much to it. Everyone isn’t meant for you and everyone won’t match your vibe, and that’s okay. You’d much rather them rule themselves out now then waste your time and lead you on.

SweelFor- · 2024-05-28T12:49:10+00:00

On what basis do you assume you look threatening to women?

EffortAutomatic8804 · 2024-05-28T17:52:46+00:00

What makes you think you look threatening? Has someone made a comment? It's usually behaviour that makes women feel threatened. Do you walk closely behind them or stare at them? If not, I think you're good. Women are not unhinged beings jumping at shadows. They have reasons to be scared, so don't give them those reasons.

clarabear10123 · 2024-05-28T18:12:39+00:00

It’s all about the attitude. Women are just humans, too. We don’t want to be considered anything but that. So maybe don’t approach with stories you’d tell in the locker room, but just be your normal self. Stop thinking so much and just be.

You are young. Now is the time to make mistakes, including social mistakes. Take a breath and just be respectful. If you mess up, learn and move on. Therapy helps in college in general. Join social groups.

By not having the explicit goal of “more women!!,” you’ll find a lot more success with building a comfortable environment.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-05-28T19:07:40+00:00

wear clean clothes. think relaxing thoughts in public. If you have a bad staring habit, take the effort to break yourself out of it. Try not to be very obvious about checking out women in public. Also, it's easier in the daytime than at night. If you live in a high crime area, be mindful of it.

If you are not white, it makes a good first impression if they hear you talking to someone else in english. That last one is weird, but I am not white and this makes a huge difference for me.

By the way, do women look at you like you are threatening? Is it an isolated campus or a campus in the middle of a city? are there a lot of homeless people walking around there?

Designer-Arugula6796 · 2024-05-30T21:47:07+00:00

Why do you think you’re threatening?

dogickker · 2024-05-28T23:49:13+00:00

Be better looking

Title	How do I look less threatening to women?
Author	KaliFlesh
Upvotes	40
Comments	45
Date	May 27, 2024 10:38 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1d24dq0/how_do_i_look_less_threatening_to_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-i-look-less-threatening-to-women.1519740 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519740

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