People tell me all the time.

“If I had your mother and she did a quarter of what she did to you I’d turn gay or would hate all women and buy into the rp.

Personally, I think most people feel this way.

But with me it’s different because I know why my mother does what she does.

And I think if sons knew the cause for their mothers actions they may not take it personally.

Don’t get me wrong I hated and resented my mother for years and sometimes still do, especially when her disorders act up.

I think most chronically neglected; mentally and physically abused children feel this way.

But I can’t blame her for what she did.

Nor could I say I wouldn’t have done the exact same in her shoes.

She did not choose to be a reactive psychopathic, dissociative/bpd/narc, her experiences and early trauma did.

I mean could you really blame a child who lost their father at 14, sexually abused by family at 14, forced in sex traffic at 14, had to kill their abuser just to survive at 16 and had me at 18? And that’s the cliff notes version of it all. There is much much more to this.

Shit I think if I was in my mothers shoes I’d do the same if not worst.

The greatest thing my mother ever said to me was “I don’t know why God gave me you. I was not supposed to have you. And I will mostly likely fuck you up if you follow what I do. So don’t do what I do. Be better than me. And maybe just maybe you won’t turn out as fucked up as me.

I think and I can say this as a parent now, the best parents tell their kids why they do what they do because if they see their parents as flawed, they won’t feel bad when others point out theres. And I think it’s the fact we don’t do this that cause soo many men with traumatic upbringings are the hands of mothers to hate women.