Now what. How to move on.

I_like_the_word_MUFF · 2019-07-30T15:39:43+00:00

So I'm a 45 year old woman...for transparency.

I wanted to hit on a point you made and why you're feelings (opinions) may be right and wrong all at the same time.

I still respect women but I am compelled to admit that I saw them as less than men ie shallow.I didn't fall into the rabbit hole off mgtow and being an incel.

Take gender out of this thought for a moment and consider why we all feel people are shallow/stupid/fake or any other related feeling we get when getting to know anyone. Is it because their priorities don't match ours? Do they value things differently from us? Do they place more time and energy into things we would consider pointless? Do their actions confound us?

Of course they do... People have, like you, a whole lifetime of experience, a family that raised them different from yours, a cultural viewpoint that is wholly different, a face that is treated differently than yours... And a thousand other pressure points that create our identity.

I mean just looking to improve yourself got you into TRP, a huge ideological change from what you infer in your writing. But thats the thing, we all are motivated by things, from trauma to self imprivement. Now imagine a whole lifetime of these little pressure point interactions, trauma and not, you have yet to experience or may never experience them at all and how they'll mold your beliefs and how you deal with the world.

Of course not all of us are going to align with each other in happy ways. In fact most of the time we meet people and immediately reject them for reasons we alone cam understand. Because our life and priorities don't match. Doesn't make one bad and the other good, even though we like to always believe our opinions are 100% right. Just is. I mean you wouldn't behave like a chinese fisherman if you were born in NYC and was a marketing executive. Nor would you behave like an executive on a fishing boat... We all have good reasons to be as we are. So you finding women shallow is just really your priorities not aligning with the women you know, for good reason, you're not a woman, or 45, or a mother, or a daughter, or a doctor, or a chinese fisherman. My priorities may seem shallow to you, but my only intention is to move without hassle in the world i live in. Plain and simple.

Consider watching David Foster Wallace's This is Water speech on YouTube... It gives you some perspective on how to get off your default setting, the one which makes you feel like you are literally living in your own skull sized feifdom. Remember, we have to allow everyone their right to perspective... It's their life not ours and they should live it the way they want.

The opposite of that is living a life of strict social order... One where your neighbors opinion of you could gravely effect your entire life.

Edit: mistook ops story and went back to adjust response. Bad reading on my part... Sorry OP.

Rad1Red · 2019-07-30T16:06:14+00:00

Just go on living your life and enjoying your friends and loving family. :)

Self-improvement is a lifelong process. Einstein said one should never stop learning until the day of one's death.

What hobbies do you have? Do you like making or repairing stuff, computer coding, drawing, writing, cooking, driving? You should pursue those.

Try to become as accomplished in everything you do as possible.

Take care of your body by eating healthy stuff and working out or doing sports.

These are not TRP ideas, they are regular healthy living ideas that the TRP people use as bait to attract new followers. "Wow, TRP has really improved my life, see?" But the real essence of TRP is not self-improvement, as you rightly felt yourself. If you dig deeper, you find the toxic stuff that's actually at the core of it, and by then for some it may be too late to leave.

At 16, you are very, very young. But you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. It's rare to be this self-aware at 16. Hell, it's rare to be self-aware at 30.

You're probably smart and that's why you tend, like many smarter teenagers, to see people around you as somewhat shallow. Girls in particular, because they seem to have different interests.

Yes, some girls will be shallow (and so will some blokes, perhaps in different ways - TRP is a good example of shallow people who draw rushed conclusions about things they don't really understand... That's one of the reasons you couldn't "swallow the pill").

There's smart people and stupid people in the world.

But some girls will be different. I have two teenagers, 16 and 14. They are not what you would call "girly girls". I wouldn't call them "tomboys" either. Just, you know... people.

We have taught them critical thinking, instilled in them a love of science and reason and self-respect. Yes, they paint their nails sometimes, they make theatre props and costumes and one of them dyed the tips of her hair blue. :) All of those are regarded as "artistic pursuits" in our family. Beauty and beautiful things are necessary for a healthy emotional life.

They have not been forced to find a gender identity or another. We believe that there is no "right way" to be as a woman, or as a man. So they did not feel compelled to identify with a different gender because the "girls are not supposed to be like thaaaat!". They both identify as girls, although the older one had a "no skirts allowed" policy at one point. So no skirts were forced on her and she was free to wear black jeans and shirts and combat boots all she wanted and generally find her own way.

You will meet girls like these. Look around, they are there. The fact that you don't believe in AWALT and other such crap has been a saving grace for you. It's not just your Mum who is not "like that". There are others. But she was the straw you hung on to, and perhaps you should thank her for that. :)

In life, sometimes you will hurt, sometimes you will make others hurt. You will choose wrong partners before you meet the right one. This journey is normal for everyone. Just hold fast to your humanity and you will be fine.

bonobo-no · 2019-07-30T23:07:02+00:00

That nightmare part hit home. Some people have found out I post on Reddit and it’s been social suicide (not like I was anything close to popular to begin with). If more people find out I might as well move away.

whatdidshewrite · 2019-07-30T16:09:30+00:00

Think about why you hold the beliefs you do. If you can rationally justify them then there’s no reason to be ashamed regardless of the belief

Title	Now what. How to move on.
Author	NSPolaris
Upvotes	13
Comments	13
Date	July 30, 2019 3:05 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/cjt0ix/now_what_how_to_move_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/now-what-how-to-move-on.299674 https://theredarchive.com/post/299674

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