Question about gender differences in breakups

KelinciHutan · 2019-07-29T02:34:00+00:00

The going hypothesis is that women in the western world are socialized to be more social than men, develop deeper and more permanent non-romantic relationships, and express their emotions more freely. As a result, when faced with emotional set-backs—like a break-up—women have a better support system to help them deal with the loss.

As far as missing an ex, it’s useful to remember that married men report greater happiness than married women. And one of the commonly held reasons for this is probably that women are often expected to shoulder more of the emotional labor in a relationship. So when a woman makes a decision to break-up, she also gets to reclaim that energy she was investing, to a degree that is not reciprocal in a lot of cases, in a relationship that wasn’t working. It’d be very hard to see that as anything but a plus.

And yeah, there is the expectation that women will be the ones to emotionally “carry” the relationship, for both the socialization and emotional labor reasons mentioned. Pair that with how men talk more, and interrupt women more, in mixed-sex settings, and yeah, men probably are more likely to miss the signs that a relationship is going sour.

This isn’t the case with everyone, of course. There’s no “average man” wandering around who perfectly displays all the means of all the studies. But as a trend, our culture has set things up so that women are supposed to be emotional experts and do all the work to keep a relationship going. Aside from being plain untrue, this creates a number of trends that hurt both men and women, and one of the ways it hurts men is by costing them more when there’s a break-up.

hoaway666 · 2019-07-29T09:46:17+00:00

For me, I am clear about my needs (basic things), and everytime they're not respected, I cant help but withdraw a little bit emotionally. I want to make things better, but if my partner isn't working with me on that, I don't feel connected. So, I sort of mourn the relationship for a while before I know that I have to break up with someone. After that I can move on pretty quick, after a few days of crying.

To be fair I usually act like I'm fine, maybe out of a fear of being difficult? I should change this as to be more emotionally honest and not surprise anyone.

I think many women could relate to this?

ontheavenue123 · 2019-07-31T03:43:35+00:00

My experience with breakups doesn’t point to any gender difference. I’m a woman and have ended many relationships with men and in my experience the person who does the breaking up has an easier time moving on. This is true whether that person is the man or woman. I have been on both sides of this coin: a few years ago I dated a guy for 3.5 years. We lived together and were very serious about each other. A couple years into the relationship I saw issues arising and would talk to my boyfriend about them. I let him know what the problems were and also let him know I would walk if the problems weren’t addressed. I gave him about 6 months and nothing changed, so I ended the relationship. He was devastated. Anyways, I had a new boyfriend within 6 weeks and it took him a very long time to get over the relationship and find someone else.

Fast forward a few years and I’m dating a guy for about 2 years who I am head over heels for. He broke up with me out of the blue and it’s taken me about 2 years to move on and be open to dating other people. Meanwhile, he was open to dating other people within a few months of our breakup.

Existing_Nebula · 2019-07-29T15:33:22+00:00

Does trp really suggest this? From what I gather, and evidence proven by my ex, red pillers don't view women in that way and immediately move on once a relationship is over, not giving it a second thought. On to the next one with no looking back, type thing.

DD2398 · 2019-08-19T07:47:01+00:00

I think that women deal with the loss of their relationship during the rocky stages before a break up. So by the time it finally ends they gave some closure and acceptance.

I also feel that men struggle to analyse the relationship after; in every relationships both parties mess up, have regrets abd accomplishments.

Being able to take stock and accept these things is an important part of moving on instead of being perpetually angry.

I feel men sometimes struggle with this. I think it has to do with restrictive emotionality which can have wider social implications.

Ideracus · 2019-07-28T23:17:07+00:00

Has anybody here ever suspected or understood women's inability to the reason and even to the ideals of their good use, such as justice, forgiveness, or kindness? Well, after some time of meditation and study, I came to the following statement: Women have neither reason nor emotion, emulating the consciousness of who possessor it (men) only to exercise their biological purpose, allowing the relation between our specie's evolutionary state (purposeful to mind and its possession of reason) and survival to this evolution.

The two-page text that I share at the link below, as pdf, is well summarized and objective, anyone with good sense will agree with my statements after reading it, so I expose it for discussion among the comunity.

https://docdro.id/kAQeo6C

Title	Question about gender differences in breakups
Author	Randomposter260
Upvotes	2
Comments	15
Date	July 28, 2019 11:12 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/cj2xuq/question_about_gender_differences_in_breakups/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/question-about-gender-differences-in-breakups.299675 https://theredarchive.com/post/299675

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