serious question: how do you trust people?

Yesm3can · 2022-01-19T07:00:42+00:00

if a theoretical business partner, backstabs me, i'll be bitter for life and might not recover.

Ha, this happened to my husband a few years before I met him. Not only his former business partner stole so much money from the company, this person and my husband were childhood friends too. They used to share everything just like blood brothers. Later my husband found out that this person has a secret gambling and coke addictions.

So what did he do then? Well for a while it was just simply focusing to unfuck the shitty situation, saving what is left to be saved, if any. And then period of being bitter and angry and untrusting as he tried to rebuild his business. But eventually, he recovered and nowadays he could shake his head and laugh about it. The business is advertisement industry that caters mostly to government related institutions, so you can imagine that it was not only a bunch of money that was gone, but also reputations got tarnished.

OP, it is not a matter of reading people's minds to avoid being backstabbed, it is how you'd treat that backstab wound. Always have plan B, just in case things go south. Keep friendship and family close even when you have a new partner that seems promising. They will be there for you when the new partner turned out to be not so promising. Don't quit any hobbies and if you are in therapy or doing something else for mental health, don't cut back on it to spend too much time with new partner. Continue to have boys nights/days. Same advice if you were a woman.

Create enough support so that when/if the chip falls down, you do not need to face it all alone.

RedPillDetox · 2022-01-19T09:43:41+00:00

If you don't trust the other party, particularly in a romantic relationship, you're fucked too and so is your relationship, so you don't have much choice.

Just acccept your vulnerability and trust your partner as long as you don't have multiple, clear red flags. Being cheated on or so isn't really the end of the world unless you don't trust your own resilience or just put your partner on a pedestal so much you think you'll never get someone new ever again.

WhoDoomsTheDoomer · 2022-01-19T11:24:48+00:00

Trust, along with respect and empathy, has to be given to get got. Relationships are about being mutual, you both have to be putting in the same level of effort. Personally I take it that if I place my trust in someone then they've usually placed some trust in me.

And trust doesn't have to be a 100% thing in my opinion. I don't trust anyone 100%, not even my family, because everyone has the capacity to betray me. This doesn't stop me from trusting people, I just know my limits

alexbrove · 2022-01-19T11:30:37+00:00

Trust needs to be earned, not freely given.

I'd say take your time with people, observe how they behave, ask yourself if they are giving you the same respect that you would give them. And when they show you who they are, believe them. I believe that trust takes time and people will eventually show you who they are through their words, their action or their inaction.

Also, some people are trustworthy in some areas but not others. I have some friends who I trust them to be there for me no matter what, but I also trust that they would make terrible business partners! I have a friend who I am in business with and I can trust him to do design work and meet clients but I can't trust him to do the accounts cos I know that he's terrible with admin.

I have another friend who is always asking for money. I once loaned her a small amount (which I was prepared to lose) and she repaid me in time, but the following year she was in crisis again and this time asked for more. I've decided that I will never loan her any money because she is always in crisis and always asking for money. I trust that I can always laugh with her and have fun with her but I will never loan her any money simply because that is my boundary with her and I've observed that she will only keep escalating her requests for money.

Long story short, if you choose to be observant, to take your time, to be objective and to set boundaries, then you won't have to be afraid of trusting people. Some people will inevitably let you down but at least you'll know that you did everything possible to watch out for Red flags before you enter a relationship or made any major decisions with this person.

Ok-Revolution-864 · 2022-01-20T05:02:16+00:00

You Don't.

Several-Buy5702 · 2022-01-20T02:01:03+00:00

I don't trust anyone right off the bat. I've been screwed over by "friends" of mine before and I only people I fully trust my immediate family and my best friend.

Like others have said, trust has to be earned and those who break that trust shouldn't have the right to earn it again.

-Tech808 · 2022-01-21T18:16:44+00:00

One thing that has helped me is to realize that life isn't perfect and people will disappoint you. Vetting is important and crucial to minimizing the potential you're taken advantage of. Ive realized having an internal locus of control helps. Yes, I may get backstabbed, but that doesn't mean I cant recoup what I've lost or replicate my past successes. Humans are extremely resilient and I'd say there are very few situations in life that will completely break a person. You can always overcome, even if it's the hardest thing you'll have to do.

Title	serious question: how do you trust people?
Author	vptran31
Upvotes	12
Comments	8
Date	January 19, 2022 6:42 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/s7jut4/serious_question_how_do_you_trust_people/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/serious-question-how-do-you-trust-people.1096776 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096776

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