What do you do after you self improve? I'm a 25 year old male and so far 7 years of self-improvement hasn't led to anything

xxxxxxxx2 · 2021-11-08T00:46:56+00:00

you've got a lot of toxic things swirling around in your head friend. try getting out of your head a bit more. nobody is expecting you to be a sexual master and the cultural cachet associated with virginity, either male or female, is just that - a product of culture and not something that really means anything other than the fact that you're just not as experienced as other people.

I suggest you look up a few 'how-to's,' so to speak, but don't fall down a rabbit hole of them. just get a general idea of what you're doing. when you're there with a girl, focus on just getting out of your head and enjoying the moment for what it is.

sex isn't like what hollywood says it is. it's honestly kind of goofy if you really think about it. just try to focus on having fun and don't think of it as this huge 'pulling excalibur out of the rock' moment, because I'll tell you, that's not what it is. you'll go to bed after losing your virginity and you'll wake up the next day still the same person you always have been.

The only thing that's special about virginity is it being the memory that it was your first time, no different than going on a roller coaster for the first time, eating ice cream for the first time, getting drunk for the first time, smoking weed for the first time. it's not a character defining thing, it's just something you try out and enjoy.

indoorcig · 2021-11-08T05:39:00+00:00

there is no “after” to self improvement. no one is done improving themselves. if the results you’re getting don’t line up with what you want, you have to continue further. even if you’re getting everything you want, you can still be a better person.

beyond that, it’s really easy to trap yourself in this mental cycle where you place far too much emphasis on your own performance such that you can’t get it up or finish. sex is not the be all end all for relationships. do you really want a serious monogamous relationship or do you just want the pressure you’re imagining in hookup culture to be some sort of stallion taken off of you?

your critique of changing gender roles also comes across as sort of tone deaf. do you actually want gender equality or do you just want a mommy gf to teach you sex?

if you have to talk about how your social skills are “better” than other peoples’, you probably are weird. it’s unhealthy to view social interactions as some sort of competition.

there is more work to be done here.

DasXbird · 2021-11-08T12:06:55+00:00

I think that the self improvement mindset is itself a manifestation of the belief "I am not enough"

You can't improve yourself out of that belief. You have to change the belief itself.

unlivedbread · 2021-11-08T06:14:08+00:00

Bro being good at fucking is incredibly easy. Its wayyyy easier than anyone makes it out to be, like people just seriously make it out to be super fucking complicated when it isn't.

As a dude all you need to be is 1.relaxed and 2. be dominant (

for the first one just have more sex and you'll be more relaxed, for the second it usually develops naturally if you have a lot of sex so same as 1.

even if you aren't relaxed if the chick is into you then it won't even matter

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Plenty_Age · 2021-11-08T21:12:55+00:00

Are you sexually attracted to females? Do you get aroused?

vcreativ · 2021-11-09T18:04:06+00:00

The club of people that have had sex isn't special. It's rather ordinary.

Self improvement doesn't change the perspective of others, but rather your own of yourself. And as it feeds into deeper understanding of what you are you will find yourself changing effortlessly not into someone different, but into a more developed version of you.

Just recently an old ex-girlfriend kept insulting me and calling me weird.

There's no value in keeping someone who insults you around. You should block her.

To determine a strategy as unsuccessful has value. That's literally what most of science is about: failing. It means you tried something and it didn't work. Now keep your agency, change your strategy, and keep experimenting. Hell, it might even be fun to find out more things about you. It really should be fun.

Listen inward, reflect, and aim to understand. There, I can sum up my self-improvement journey in just seven words. If it takes you three pages or more, you're focusing on the material world. It's where self-worth is presumed yet never found.

Hope this helps.

PhilosopherHistorian · 2021-11-12T02:40:59+00:00

The concept of self improvement is making your own self happy. I think you’re trying too hard to validate yourself based on trivial things like your body count. Find a way to become happy and comfortable in yourself that doesn’t involve validation from others. I think if you can deconstruct the idea that your validity is tied to your sex life, you might become much happier.

Self improvement can’t directly guarantee you sex with women, but it can make you more comfortable with yourself…which will make you more confident…which can indirectly be attractive to women.

CannedSubet · 2021-11-12T03:52:03+00:00

It's because you're a JoJo fan.

CannedSubet · 2021-11-12T03:57:18+00:00

At the end of the day we're all just needy children pretending to be adults. I stopped caring as much about women's expectations and it's been a lot better. Women go for unemployed losers all the time till they're 30. Just the truth. This stuff about Chad is kinda a joke because it doesn't tell the truth of how low women's standards really are.

Both sides of the gender debate online are insane. They're just the ramblings of the spiteful and insecure. Live your own life, have fun, and I encourage you to be optimistic. There were probably some girls that liked you and you didn't put yourself out there enough.

hagakurejunkie · 2021-11-13T01:47:28+00:00

You didn't really self-improve though.

You just went through the motions, maybe you're fit and make some money, maybe you have a nice car and a good job but you're still thirsty as hell for women.

Women do not want the men who want them, they want the men who they can't seem to get. In fact, I never had real success in my dating life until I just told women to take a hike and focused on MY happiness and MY life, then women came poking back in going "What's up with this guy? Why isn't he trying to sniff my hair and tell me how beautiful I am like every other weirdo in this bar"

Real self-improvement is a mindset shift. Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.