18F Please explain this subreddit to me

TheOGJammies · 2020-03-27T09:05:10+00:00

Approving this post because you’re young and on provision you genuinely listen to our feedback.

Feines_Brot · 2020-03-27T10:05:08+00:00

The point of the posts on here is to lower the chances of getting fucked over by men with bad intentions, not to shame women in general who want things like you.

It is advised to not be a STAHM because your financial dependency might ruin you in the case of divorce and makes it harder for you to leave. Abusive men often show their colours when they feel like they have sufficiently 'trapped' you, i.e when you're married/ pregnant etc.

If you really want to sleep with someone on the first date more power to you. But not sleeping with a guy on the first date while also expecting him to pay is supposed to weed out men who only see you as a fucktoy. Statistically, straight women are the least likely to receive an orgasm during sex, especially with strangers, so I don't think casual sex is beneficial to us. It's also more dangerous for us.

Porn is viewed as problematic because it creates false expectations of sex, makes kinks the norm, is addictive and degrades women as objects most of the time.

I can see why you think some posts are misandrist, but I don't think we're as bad as incels. They want to strip us of our rights and wish to enslave and rape women. Some posts are too extreme for my taste too, but the majority here doesn't hate men, they are just wary of them. FDS tries to encourage having boundaries and raising standards that reflect your self worth. Basically: Being alone is better than being with a shitty man and if you're always working to be the best version of yourself, don't settle for less. Hating men as a whole doesn't, or shouldn't, have anything to do with it.

buddingQueenie · 2020-03-27T10:10:15+00:00

First off, there are a ton of comparisons to us to incels because it causes people's fur to bristle and is an easy way to spread hate for this subreddit.

We are not incels because:

We do not condone the rape, enslavement, physical/sexual abuse of men
We do not do petty things like chadfish just because we "hate" the opposite gender
We get PLENTY of sexual and romantic offers
We have multiple posts evidencing our drive to become better ourselves (filter by weekly update posts or "Level Up")

We simply filter out low effort men because they act like foxes in a hen house and that is not the energy we want in relationships.

This subreddit makes me feel guilty for embracing my sexuality.

I am bisexual. Lots of women here have posted about vibrators or on topics such as masturbation. We embrace sexuality here. Not sure about that one.

I like to watch porn. I've had sex on the first date. The way people on this subreddit talk about sexuality makes me feel like a slut. If I'm having a good time, and my partner is having a good time, what is there to complain about?

We believe that men need to work for us. We have all had too many shit experiences of being used for sex and as a free therapist while we get taken for granted. No. That doesn't fly here.

We support our sisters and therefore denounce porn for it's coercion and negative affects. Source? Check out the multiple peer reviewed studies in porn free relationships sub, assuming you are asking in good faith.

You are leaving this sub and it is clear that your values do not mesh with ours. Good luck. It's your life and choices. We welcome you back if you ever realize you are being taken advantage of.

ErikaNaumann · 2020-03-27T11:36:25+00:00

That's all very cute, but wait a few years until you get fucked over by men.

They will promise you a future, a ring, love, but in reality most of them just want to use you like a sex toy. Or maybe read about how many women got married and stayed at home, only to be cheated on, abused, but unable to leave because they were not financially independent.

Also you want to be a traditional wife, so you want a traditional husband. You think a traditional good husband has sex on the first date? Most traditional husbands will want someone with traditional values.

You are young and still live in lala land. That's fine, we have all been there. Maybe read the fds guidebook, and more posts. Fds is to empower women.

Please understand there are good men out there, but most of them are NOT good, that's why fds has a set of strategies to weed out the bad guys.

radical__daphne · 2020-03-27T13:38:45+00:00

It's not "slut shaming", it's just not behavior that's going to get you a real relationship with a quality person. Ridiculous. If you want to just fuck someone then just fuck them. Don't pretend you're trying to get a relationship out of it. It's not a date when you fuck the guy the first time you meet him, that's just called a one-night stand.

And honestly just get counseling for the BDSM bullshit. No one expects men to like being kicked in the balls by their partners and anally raped, do they? But everyone expects BDSM degradation of women now. I'm sorry you're only 18 and letting men abuse you for their hate boners.

miz_nyc · 2020-03-27T12:42:02+00:00

Read the wiki and the handbook. That's what it's there for. It's not our job to educate you especially when there are resources in place that can answer your questions.

You can feel the way you want about this sub and you don't have to stay.

jazzyjazcons · 2020-03-27T11:37:08+00:00

Gosh there is so much to unpack here.

If you want to be a SAHM, it’s not necessarily bad. You just have to take certain precautions. First make sure you marry someone who can provide for you and your kids while you run the household. You don’t want to live in poverty. Poverty is the precursor for so many problems in children, so please be wise and avoid giving poverty to your future children. Secondly, the successful SAHM I know, the woman is smart, educated (she has a BS in Chemistry or Physics, just incredibly smart and well spoken). So she’s savvy and runs the finance. The husband just goes to work. This will protect you a bit, to make sure, you’re not completely financially powerless. Thirdly, don’t sign a pre-nup, so that in the case of divorce you’ll be protected.

But I will invite you to dig deep and find out why you want to be a SAHM. The one successful SAHM I know is very religious. She stays home so she can home school her kids. I think this is a legitimate reason. But the unsuccessful SAHMs I know coincidentally seem to have a lot of emotional and family issues. One has abandonment issues. Her mom abandoned her as a toddler. She’s said she decided to stay at home as a healing for herself; and she’s deathly afraid her leaving the home everyday for work will give her kids abandonment issues as well. If you hear her talk about it, it’s clear the woman is literally trying to remake her mom’s legacy. I think this is very unhealthy. The other unsuccessful SAHM grew up in a household where it was somehow communicated to them that a woman’s job was to look pretty and stay in the kitchen. The girl is a good home maker and has the best skincare advice but she has no intellectual interest. I remember when I told her I decided to get my Master’s degree, she told me it was unnecessary and warned me against doing it because be thought it would make me less attractive to potential suitors. Today, she’s in her 30’s and has no degree. Can’t do anything outside the household, doesn’t even drive. The whole thing is so bizarre to see because she comes from a big family, some 10 kids. All the boys are well educated, all the girls are SAHM. So I invite you to explore your childhood to get to the bottom of the reason why you’ve chosen this path. Make sure the underlying reason is healthy.

I also started watching porn when I was about 18. Thank god It never spiraled into addiction. But I did watch for years. Today, I have been porn-free for a few months. To me the turning point was learning more about the industry. I just didn’t want to contribute to the system that exploits vulnerable women. I just couldn’t look at myself in the mirror, knowing I am part of the system that trafficked women, some of which are underaged kids. I know this is extreme, but it’s true. Every single view drives ad revenues, which in turn keeps the whole system going. Secondly, there are plenty of studies that warn about adverse effects of pornography on intellectual abilities, hormone levels, social skills...etc. Though most studies were done for men, I honestly think there are similar consequences for women. Whether it’s proven or not, I don’t want to take the risk with my life.

Lastly, please don’t discourage about some of the outrageous commenters on the sub. I remember the first time I posted on this sub, some women left some awful comments. I actually took the post down because I didn’t want some younger women like yourself seeing those comments and internalizing it. What I’ve come to understand about FDS is the the strategies are well intentioned and truly more beneficial to women, compared to main stream. But like any place with 60,000+ people, there are hurt and insecure women on here as well who tend to lash out, put other women down..etc. Don’t let them decide your FDS experience. Ignore, block and what not. Just make sure you stick to the core principles and don’t be distracted by the noise.

I hope this helps. ❤️

Title	18F Please explain this subreddit to me
Author	poopie19
Upvotes	0
Comments	7
Date	March 27, 2020 4:07 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fpqcxt/18f_please_explain_this_subreddit_to_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/18f-please-explain-this-subreddit-to-me.692949 https://theredarchive.com/post/692949

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