Abuse will change you from the inside out, it will tear away at parts of you and leave you a shell. Please take care of yourselves always.

Sage_Planter · 2021-03-25T17:48:31+00:00

Keep in mind the phases can be very long or very short. Sometimes these charts give the illusion that there is some balance between how long he increases love and how long someone is restrictive.

An abusive partner can slowly be restrictive over months or years, and it doesn't always necessarily escalate to big explosive anger or physical harm. Sometimes the worst abuse is simply drawing out the emotional abuse so it's barely noticeable as it increases and warps your sense of perception.

chateauduchat · 2021-03-25T17:40:53+00:00

Exactly what my narc ex put me through.

obeyy_killxx · 2021-03-25T17:26:02+00:00

The second image hit home because that’s exactly what I went through. It’s been months since I’ve left but I’m still picking up the pieces with therapy. I’m so glad I found this community recently.

literal_salamander · 2021-03-26T01:51:56+00:00

Copy pasted from another thread but applies here too. Your abuser will come back, in some way or another, even if its to fly by to assure himself what a big generous man he is to his ex, or to try to get you back. They do not change because their attitudes that drive their abuse does not change.

Don't forget...no matter how nice they are being, or how apologetic, or they seem like they have changed...it's very, very unlikely. Abusive men by and large do not change (and even if they do, it's a long slow agonizing process where they are prone to backsliding) Talk is cheap and anyone can say anything.

It's very easy to get sucked back in by the puppy dog eyes, the proclamations that things will be different this time and that they were wrong blah blah blah - but go back, and it's very likely that nothing has changed, and you will be back to square 1 and traumatized all over again. No contact, block and delete is the only answer to save your sanity.

I wanted this to not be true when my abusive ex came back, bearing flowers and apologies and "I was wrong to treat you like that". But unfortunately it was true, down to the attitude of "I've been nice for a while so I can slip back into my abusive ways. Doesn't my niceness for <n> weeks count for anything????".

Old article but a classic for a reason. Learn it, memorize it because unfortunately it is as true today as when it was written 20 years ago. https://drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

RecordingImportant94 · 2021-03-26T10:23:12+00:00

I wish that this information was given in schools. It is so so much more important to know what abuse looks like than the economic policies of post revolutionary Russia, and while yes of course you need to study to pass exams the knowledge of what constitutes the more subtle forms of abuse will serve you throughout your lifetime and allow you to live a far happier and more productive life. I thought abuse was only physical for my entire life up until a few years ago and not being able to contextualise the emotional and psychological abuse I was suffering kept me trapped for years trying to explain away or excuse the way I was treated.

Title	Abuse will change you from the inside out, it will tear away at parts of you and leave you a shell. Please take care of yourselves always.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	155
Comments	11
Date	March 25, 2021 3:03 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/md0ady/abuse_will_change_you_from_the_inside_out_it_will/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/abuse-will-change-you-from-the-inside-out-it-will.1187794 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187794

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