Actions > words

Sage_Planter · 2020-09-10T02:54:12+00:00

My former therapist once told me "People judge themselves by their intentions. Others just them by their actions." It's always stuck with me.

Kristeninmyskin · 2020-09-10T04:17:11+00:00

I was thinking of getting you the next book in the series

“But, you didn’t.”

Ugly_Swan · 2020-09-10T02:35:17+00:00

lol I love that the wings helped along the way <3

Accountabili_Buddy · 2020-09-10T02:34:11+00:00

Girl this. We so often get caught up in the potential instead of the reality. I think you made the right call

strawbunny_ · 2020-09-10T06:27:12+00:00

There was a phrase in the FDS handbook that stood out to me a lot. It determined whether a guy was interested, and answers so many questions like "why didn't he do this for me?"

"If he wanted to, he would."

Actions speak louder than words.

Pahapan · 2020-09-10T04:43:26+00:00

One of the many mistakes I made in my most recent relationship was ignoring my gut KNOWLEDGE that actions are more important than words. If I'd listened to it I would have avoided 7 months of abuse.

In the first week or two of dating we'd planned for me to pick him up after I got off work at 12AM. We were going to go back to my place and spend the night and most of the next day together. I asked him if he was SURE about this, because 12AM is obviously late. He assured me it was fine. Midway through my shift I double checked with him that he was still up for coming over. He told me enthusiastically that he was. When I pulled into his (well, his mom's) driveway and texted him, I got no response. I texted intermittently for close to half an hour and he never responded. I didn't want to call because he lived with his mom, stepdad, and little sister and it's a small house. Calling would mean risking waking his family up and I'm not that inconsiderate. I finally gave up and went home, feeling humiliated.

When I got back to my place ~10 minutes later it was to a barrage of apology texts. He'd fallen asleep and he was just sooo sorry. But then he also lowkey blamed me for not calling to wake him up. At 12AM. When his stepdad has to get up at like 4AM for work. Then he offered to get an Uber over to my house. I was reassured in that moment. He wanted to prove he was sorry and he was willing to pay the like $20 (lmao, I know, a whole $20!) to come over. That made me feel a lot better and restored some of my faith in him.

BUT THEN HE ENDED UP TEXTING ME CANCELING ALTOGETHER BECAUSE IT WAS GOING TO BE A 20 MINUTE WAIT FOR AN UBER. Literally less of a wait then I'd spent in his fucking driveway. I got so twisted up inside about this whole experience. This was before I knew about FDS so I posted on r/dating_advice asking if I was overreacting and of course all the LVM and PickMes over there told me it was just an honest mistake that he'd fallen asleep and that if it was already like 1AM then it was too late to expect him to Uber over and if I was willing to throw out a budding relationship over this then I'd be alone for the rest of my life, etc., etc., etc.

The trauma that I would have avoided, had I only known about this subreddit then. Hell, if I'd only gone with my gut and not allowed third party stranger idiots on the internet to sway me.

apple_cores · 2020-09-10T19:31:27+00:00

lol wow look at him trying to guilt/manipulate you into giving him another chance or to just make you feel bad. And this is the lowest effort on his part, because like it’s been stated, he could have come over with the next book in the series. Is there a word for this? Where they kind of cast the line out to see if you’ll bite?

My ex would do this multiple times. He would tell me, “I thought about taking you to this nice restaurant and planning a date, but instead I went out with my friends or stayed on my couch smoking weeks til I fell asleep.” Like it’s the thought that counts, lmao that’s not whet that means.That would make me feel so bad because he thought about doing it but rarely did. He is the epitome of laziness and now I take myself out on nice dates or go with my girlfriends.

Title	Actions > words
Author	pogosister
Upvotes	130
Comments	12
Date	September 10, 2020 2:07 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ipubt9/actions_words/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/actions-words.257005 https://theredarchive.com/post/257005

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