AITA because I don't want to continue being emotionally available for a friend I like?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-07-20T17:29:28+00:00

Move on. That might seem harsh but this guy is a waste of your time and your energy.

PaciencaYFe · 2020-07-20T18:17:53+00:00

If he wants you to be his therapist he can pay you

Summerisle7 · 2020-07-20T17:35:41+00:00

Forget this guy. He doesn't want a relationship and the friendship is over too. Also his emotional health was never your responsibility. Stop talking to him.

Flufferly · 2020-07-20T18:09:16+00:00

You know the answer already. If you need permission to feel the way you feel then you've got it. Your boundaries don't make you an asshole.

ChristmasPriestess · 2020-07-20T18:13:26+00:00

[deleted]

redbirdflies · 2020-07-20T19:27:05+00:00

Please read the handbook

The members of this sub continually and selflessly put their time and effort into answering these ridiculously long questions where the subbie obviously doesn’t frequent this sub and is posting on other subs.

In essence what she is doing is using others for emotional support without putting forth any effort of her own

Read

The

Handbook!!!!!!

Summerisle7 · 2020-07-20T18:13:40+00:00

Also why are you making posts here in r/ AITA format? Are you familiar with this sub? Read the handbook.

ChristmasPriestess · 2020-07-20T18:25:36+00:00

There isn't much benefit to being friends with men. Hes using you for emotional labor, but isn't supporting you emotionally, and he doesn't want to be romantic with you. I say cut him off and move on. Also read the handbook, it talks about how being friends with men doesn't do women any favors, and they usually have a hidden agenda anyway.

Chthonic_Femme · 2020-07-20T17:39:44+00:00

So, I was hung up on a guy for a while who was a good friend. He was also 'not ready for a relationship'. But the amount he contacted me, the time he spent with me, the level he leaned on me for advice, emotional support, etc was beyond what was normal in even my closest friendships with others. It felt like a relationship and I couldn't understand why he acted that way if he didn't want more. Eventually I convinced myself I was being one of those awful people who hang around hoping for a relationship while pretending to be a friend.

Until he got a girlfriend and straight up stopped interacting with me.

My instinct that he had put me in the emotional space of a girlfriend, ie, meeting his needs for support and intimacy beyond the scope of friendship was correct. Of course it confused me.

I am relating this because I have been there. It never ends in a relationship, I promise. As soon as this guy met someone he wanted to be with, he was absolutely ready for a relationship. What he didn't want, was a relationship with me. He didn't want friendship with me either. He wanted me to fill a girlfriend shaped hole without actually being his girlfriend, until he found someone he actually did want to be with.

Cut this dude off.

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-07-20T20:55:11+00:00

It's ok not to be friends.

laserkatze · 2020-07-20T18:32:17+00:00

First congratulations for having the courage to confess to him! Also, accepting it instantly shows that you know your worth and have self respect.

But I think you need to keep thinking about yourself now and cut him entirely off, so that you can forget him more effectively. He seems to be a person who uses you for emotional support, against boredom and easing his loneliness, that’s why you don’t hear from him as much in happy times. But this is not a friendship, it’s just a generous thing of you to be his therapist, entertainer and „pillow to cry into“. The fact that he drops sentences that give you a false hope shows that he likes to bathe in your affection and wants to manipulate you into liking him more than friends - he crosses a line that I believe everyone knows exists. If he was even WORSE, he‘d say okay because you live on different continents, but I bet that he’d continue to sweet talk you and then pretend that this was stuff normal friends tell each other.

You know when he’s feeling happy again he‘ll vanish again and you‘ll then be left there questioning yourself on why you didn’t throw him out of your life earlier.

Title	AITA because I don't want to continue being emotionally available for a friend I like?
Author	Curious_pari
Upvotes	9
Comments	19
Date	July 20, 2020 4:43 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/huf39a/aita_because_i_dont_want_to_continue_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/aita-because-i-dont-want-to-continue-being.716102 https://theredarchive.com/post/716102

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