an excellent message!!

monch-bred · 2021-02-18T01:18:49+00:00

I agree with the other commenters that it’s more nuanced than that: if you are in an abusive relationship, you probably do not realize it’s abusive, and believe it’s at least partly your fault. Not to mention isolation and the many other factors that make it difficult to escape.

But if we set aside abusive relationships and apply what she’s saying to regular old LVM relationships without abuse, then I think her critique is valid. If your only motive to stay in a bad, useless relationship is so you’re not alone, you need to re-examine why you’re unable to thrive on your own, and grow to be independent. I know friends-of-friends who make so many excuses for why they’re in a situationship, and it boils down to “I’m afraid of being alone.” I think that does show a lack of identity, and it’s not healthy. FDS does encourage women to value their peace of mind and cultivate their identity instead of settling just to have someone.

Anyways, just my thoughts, and it does seem like she’s aiming this at abusive relationships which like I mentioned, I disagree with her given what the other commenters here have said.

What_u_callme · 2021-02-18T00:41:21+00:00

[deleted]

2021-02-18T00:48:28+00:00

This isn't an excellent message I saw this post a few days ago and retweeted someone that responded to this as well. I'm going to post what the retweet said,

"Y’all say shit like this then have no understanding of unhealthy attachment styles, Stockholm syndrome, gaslighting/ manipulation tactics, trauma, etc. This is not how you speak to people going through it."

I notice that people that say this really haven't been through that much trauma and usually have a support system to help them when traumatic things happen to them. A lot of women don't. It's weird how some women preach women empowerment then in the same breath will call a woman stupid for staying in an abusive relationship. Then get defensive and are way too hard headed to realize that everyone doesn't deal with things the same way you do. A lot of you women sound and act like men without even realizing it.

berryberrykicks · 2021-02-18T01:22:01+00:00

At the beginning of the video, she explains that the woman she’s referencing are women who knowingly stay in a toxic relationship only because they don’t want to be alone. (In order for those women to make the “weak” choice to stay, they would have to know 1) they’re in a toxic relationship and 2) that their sole reason for staying is to avoid being alone).

This message would not be applicable to women who stay because they: - do not have the resources to get out - don’t realize the relationship is toxic - have children complicating the options - do not believe they deserve better or can do better - have been manipulated or strong armed into the relationship - (there’s definitely more scenarios)

The women she’s referencing are women who strictly stay in a relationship, because they don’t want to risk being single. Doing that is exactly what FDS teaches us NOT to do. Don’t make exceptions to your standards simply to remain in a romantic relationship.

The women she’s referencing are women with options who can leave the relationship, but don’t because they don’t want to be alone. If there is another situation going on there (see above), then it’s not applicable.

Being a single woman is not a fate worse than a toxic relationship; learning that (and living that) makes for a stronger mindset. Being single is always preferable to suffering in a bad relationship. Always.

If there are options to leave a toxic relationship, then do. He’s not worth it.

featherflowers · 2021-02-18T01:20:15+00:00

As someone who took five years and two attempts at leaving an emotionally (and I have finally also admitted sexually) abusive relationship, I am glad to see so many comments here redirecting this message. There is a difference between toxic and abusive and this video is not for those in abusive situations. But those people usually don't realize they're being abused so I wish the original tik tok poster could have some more empathy.

biggestsigh · 2021-02-18T01:15:33+00:00

You can need people and be a strong person. She is equating toxic relationships with all relationships.

Her refusal to have compassion for women who find themselves in relationship cycles that are actually hard to break isn't exactly ground breaking. It's what society has done to women for a long time.

_mooness · 2021-02-18T01:18:15+00:00

This is the pill that’s hard to swallow.

Title	an excellent message!!
Author	kiripon
Upvotes	64
Comments	13
Date	February 18, 2021 12:11 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lm8r2l/an_excellent_message/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/an-excellent-message.741836 https://theredarchive.com/post/741836

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