At war with myself

rainisthelife · 2019-10-28T08:39:34+00:00

If you enjoy sleeping with the FWB and you know you won’t be able to hold off on sleeping with the “potential relationship” guy, if you weren’t at least getting your sexual needs met somewhere else, then keep both for now.

Because sleeping with the relationship guy too soon can ruin your chances with him. He does not need to know about the FWB guy. There is no benefit to being “upfront” with the truth about seeing other guys. If you’re having difficulty lying, then you need to ask yourself what’s more important to you. The guy you’re trying to get into a relationship with, or him potentially leaving because he’s insecure due to your honesty.

_mangoes_ · 2019-10-28T01:19:15+00:00

You’re going to have to get over your guilty conscience. You might have to learn the hard way, but being completely honest and upfront is not going to benefit you, it just isn’t. He’ll also be better off without knowing. What you do before being exclusive (or even before having a ring on your finger but that’s another post) is none of his business.

rftw2013 · 2019-10-28T00:32:19+00:00

Good God, Sis, you need to level up. I can guarantee you that were the sitch reversed, and potential boyfriend had a FWB, he would not let his guilty conscience (note spelling, please) prevent him from getting all the P he wanted whilst waiting for you.

Please, ladies, look at your sitch and be a little more self-interested,l and ruthless. A man will not hesitate to lie to you, lead you on, or otherwise look out for his own self-interest, and you should learn from this and do likewise.

You are not exclusive with potential BF, and you owe him ZERO explanation about your other activities. Do not complicate your life with pious proclamations about how you cannot lie, have a guilty conscience, etc. You're making your life extra complicated, and for what?

Go read the sidebar link about why you should never tell a man your body count, and apply the same logic here, please.

nutshit · 2019-10-27T23:00:34+00:00

Sleep with your fwb and don’t give any sex to the guy your trying to date seriously yet until your exclusive. Believe or not men do this Lmaoo

rainisthelife · 2019-10-27T22:29:47+00:00

My understanding of the FDS philosophy is to keep sleeping with the FWB while dating new guy. It’s none of new guy’s business what you are doing if you two aren’t exclusive. Even if directly asked, you don’t have to tell him you are having sex with someone. Practice being coy. It’s not the same as lying.

heythere360 · 2019-10-27T22:40:21+00:00

Getting what you want how you want it takes self control and discipline.

If you want to break up with FWB do it. Just don’t start crying if you accidentally slip on this new guys dick on date two.

Either do it or don’t. No one here can give you will power. No one here can make it easy.

Good luck!

SlightOcelot · 2019-10-28T09:55:20+00:00

Everyone is going to say 'guys do that all the time'. But the question is really, is the relationship guy doing it?

Second question is, is it worth the risk? If he finds out, he will cut you loose, almost certainly. And these sorts of things have a way of getting out. So you do you, but also be aware of the risk you run.

Kelly007Roberts · 2019-10-27T22:04:40+00:00

Look into rotational dating scripts

halyc0nAK · 2019-10-27T22:40:45+00:00

Tell your FWB that the next person you sleep with after them is your boyfriend and no one else, and you’re now being courted by someone which means there’s a chance you’ll have a boyfriend soon. You’re just letting him know so that if/when after a while you don’t call or text back anymore, he knows what’s up. I know that this only solves half the problem because only one of them will know, but it’s better than being completely dishonest altogether and prevents any symptoms of feeling blindsided in your fwb. Just beware of how men act when they think another man is after a woman he sees as “his”. He’ll start thinking about this new guy taking you on dates and gifting you things and how him doing all of that is going to take away your sex from him, and then all of a sudden he’s going to want to be the one taking you out, buying you flowers and paying for your groceries because he now knows that’s what it takes to keep your sex. If you accept any of it he’ll just feel more entitled to you, so be prepared to turn down nice offers from your fwb that you otherwise might not turn down.

rad_daphne · 2019-10-27T23:49:24+00:00

You don't have to end anything with your FWB even if you decide you can't sleep with him while dating. Just tell him you're dating someone and are taking a break for the time from your fun together. You want him to be there to go back to if it doesn't work out with new guy. Don't blow up your bridges.

Anyway I would lie to the new guy because it's none of his business what you did before you were together. Just asking would show that he wants to know for nefarious reasons. Mature people don't ask because they know they don't want the answer and it's none of their business.

Title	At war with myself
Author	btheresoon
Upvotes	0
Comments	14
Date	October 27, 2019 10:01 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dnztsp/at_war_with_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/at-war-with-myself.695530 https://theredarchive.com/post/695530

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