I was thinking back on some of the things that I've learned about good relationships and I thought a post where we all share would be a great resource for if and when we find our HVM.

All of this information is for committed, vetted relationships with a HVM, so please don't go off in the wrong direction.

I thought this thread would be particularly useful for people whose parents did not model a healthy relationship for them and/or people who have not been in the healthy relationship themselves.

I was reading a thread about gift giving here and I remembered the tip that I heard from a woman here months ago. When she starts seriously dating a man she also starts a list on her phone where she keeps track of everything that he says that he likes or wants, his interests, his favorite color, everything. That way when it comes time to give a gift she has a whole list of information and ideas.

Now I don't think I've ever been a particularly good gift giver and I would panic when birthdays and holidays came around. You don't want to give somebody important to you a gift that makes it look like they aren't. Keeping a list solves this problem. It's just a small thing that did not occur to me and was certainly not modeled in my family.

Another good tip for a relationship I learned is that if you worry about your partner and your partner worries about you then everybody gets taken care of. This does not mean don't take care of yourself. It means that you think of them and do things for them and they should be thinking of you and doing things for you.

This person also taught me that you should both give a little bit more than you think the other person is giving and that way you're both always giving plenty to each other and the relationship. A good partner, when you give more, they will give more. And that way the relationship grows and strengthens. (Don't give it they aren't giving too. This is only for a high value relationship with a high value partner. This is also not for compromising your boundaries or your body.)

The same man also taught me how to communicate like an adult. My family was all about screaming in your face if you said anything they didn't like. So I just shut up a long time ago and gave up trying. I thought I was the problem in this equation until I met him. He showed me I was perfectly capable of sitting down and having an open conversation, communicating needs, and then he would fulfill them or we would talk further. There was no blow up. No purposeful misunderstanding, no gas lighting. I didn't even know people could actually talk like that. I had never seen it. This is how we should be able to communicate with our partners.

What what are some other tips, big and small, for healthy relationships that all of you have learned?