Can I vent?

sagisister · 2020-08-15T07:54:57+00:00

The last sentence lol

Hahane · 2020-08-15T08:30:42+00:00

I'm so sorry. Can you go to your sister's until you can have a place of your own?

hikurangi2019 · 2020-08-15T09:30:36+00:00

🤦🏻‍♀️ I hope you can move out as soon as you can, it’s a terrible environment for your baby. Is there a women’s refuge where you’re from?

heythere360 · 2020-08-15T14:25:15+00:00

I hate to be this person, but I highly recommend seeking regular therapy if you’re arent already to really start to unpack and eventually heal from the trauma you grew up in.

A lot of people who grew up in trauma and broken homes unknowingly repeat the same cycle they swore they would break.

You were abused and neglected by your mother. Now you’ve reproduced with a LVM and your daughter will be exposed to what sounds like toxicity in the home you move in and out with him.

If you do choose to date before she’s 16 the chances of her getting sexually, emotionally or physically abused by any new man in your life skyrockets, regardless of how high value he may seem (as you know from experience).

I really don’t meant to come off as shamey or judgemental so if I am I apologize. My mom raised Thee kids on her own so I am a result of a cycle of broken homes.

I understand life happens and shit is not rainbows and butterflies, but that doesn’t make the cycle any less important to break.

We have to remember children are always collateral damage. And when we grow up neglected, a lot women end up simply repeating the cycle, exposing their own children to LVM and broken homes.

Alone with three kids my mom took what she had and became the most high value woman I know. Never dated, committed to raising us, encouraged a relationship with my dad which I have (he talks about regretting leaving my mom almost every time I talk to him). My dad was high value in potential but low value when it came to sticking around for the hard parts so my mom stepped up and did it all like most women do.

You’re probably fully aware of this but for anyone else who need to hear this here it is. We do perpetuate cycles of abuse even when we don’t realize it. I’ll likely be childfree unless I meet the HVM of my dreams who walks on water because raising a child alone or with a man I don’t respect is my nightmare.

sewingmachinesavior · 2020-08-15T13:37:16+00:00

When I was truly ready to leave, I put it out to a group I was in that I needed a place to stay to get on my feet. And someone pulled through. And I paid like $50/mo for 5 months, until I moved out. I will never forget their kindness. We were just barely acquaintances. Sometimes the people who help you most on your journey are a surprise.

Hang in there. Keep saving money and making an escape plan.

umbralgarden · 2020-08-15T13:45:05+00:00

I was with a man who constantly picked his mother over me, but she lived with us. She wasn't even sick. Just needy and whiny. So I know your pain. But mommy-son apron clinging connections are a little more common and understood. Outside of that we know men are fucking awful caretakers usually of both partner, parent or child, they'll get out of it however they can.

I find it really odd that he's so attentive and servile to his dad, is his dad sick? Incredibly old? Just lost a job or a home? Does his dad give him money or employment? If none of the above, it honestly sounds like he's using the dad as a cover up or excuse for what he's really doing. I know you're already leaving him but just for fun poke more holes in his excuse next time like where he went and just what he did and at what time. I know you mentioned he works with his dad but I can't imagine any job that needs immediately done while your daughter is hospitalized. He was glad to not be there. Low value men see medical emergencies as stressful burdens to run away from. The same type of man who abandons his daughter is not rushing to care for his aging "lonely" father, you know what I'm saying. He's doing something else.

NessaMonsta17 · 2020-08-15T12:21:08+00:00

Wow, I am so sorry for all of this girl. Hang in there girl, you are making your way out of the pit. Its like you were born in to this dysfunctional and sour life. And it is not fair. I come from some sour beginnings as well. I will say this, you keep focus on that goal of yours and you will make it through. I did, and now I broke the cycle and I think my own family is waking up a bit. I'm not here to save them though but to save my children from repeat anything of my familys past.

So girl you are awake now and getting through. And let him think whatever and let him play himself. What do you need to get out girl?

As for him he has controlling habits. When he RARa's, I would simple say sarcastically with a giggle "aww, it's so cute you think you are my slave master!" he will be thrown of by this and might say " what no, I just care about you." I'd say "well you can care about me by washing the dishes and helping me with the laundry." and everytime he gets controlling laugh "Oh your trying to be so controlling, how adorably cutsie wootsie".. He will feel his little balls shrival with that comment and stop the behavior.

He will hate that u don't see it as manily.

These are some ideas. Stop all cooking and cleaning for him. Start being a slob, lol and he will not want you. Do that reverse psychology lol. As for your child, you and her can go out a lot with friends. Do you have other friends u can hang with? Do u have a car? Maybe spend all day out of the house. I would specifically leave before dinner hours and come back late and not answer my phone.

I have a lot in my arsenal. In dealing with leaving. Being nice to him never worked, maybe being a bitch will. And I don't necessarily mean a condescending bitch who complains. Instead like those girls who laugh and scoff at the guy like everything he is mediocre. "ohh u got me flowers.. Hmm.. How nice.." "oh your wearing that shirt... Hmm.. I guess it's ok.." "omg are you fully hard.. Oh never mind". For an ex I would always start at his chin and he would get so self conscious (he was an asshole and major major cheater) and I did this on my way out of that relationship. So that will make him insecure and maybe thennn he might start helping ya. Cause he sounds self absorbed.

When I was younger I was sooo forgiving and hated how These men would mess with my head. And so I started to get smart and turn the table. Now I never get sucked into bad relationships, cause I know how to spot it right in the beginning. And never have to turn the table, I just leave with out much as a word.

IF you ever meet a nice guy, don't do these tactics that would be damaging.

At the moment I have a wonderful man. I just had to keep on going, and shoot these guys didn't wanna let go. Ugh that was some torturous crap. But I broke free. U will too girl. 🤗 If u ever wanna chat, shoot me a Dm. 😉

DropHimQueen · 2020-08-15T16:55:24+00:00

Wow. What an asshole LVM. Glad you got out quick. I doubt he means it when he says he’ll let you stay at his place regardless you want I g him. The moment he realizes he has no chance with you, he’ll kick you to the curb. Get out quick sis! Find a sister or friend to stay with.

RedRetrograde · 2020-08-15T21:15:20+00:00

Hate to be that person, but I’m gonna be that person.

Why did you clean the fucking toilet?

Seriously, you were doing so good until that last sentence.

I get that he clogged the thing before going to work, but bloody hell, was there really no alternative bathroom for you to use until he got back? Because cleaning that nasty shit up should’ve been his job, not yours.

This whole post you’re going on about how you’ve discarded all your Pickme tendencies, and yet you’re cleaning up the mess he made? Sounds like you might need to do a little more deprogramming.

Title	Can I vent?
Author	sagisister
Upvotes	67
Comments	18
Date	August 15, 2020 5:51 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ia2616/can_i_vent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/can-i-vent.168975 https://theredarchive.com/post/168975

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