Beware men who always question your love for them. Or set you up to prove that you can be loyal to them, really be compatible with them or fill their needs. Hmmm….well see I’m wondering if you really are good for me or not….

They play the skeptic to stimulate a dynamic where you feel you must jump around and overprove, overact to show you’re the one. Run around jumping through hoops while they lean back non chalant, doubting and skeptical with a little shake of the head and smile, at your efforts to please

It’s a distraction to keep you from asking the real questions- is he good for ME? does he genuinely support me etc

The same thing can happen on the job. You go on an interview and it’s like- well what we’re trying to see is can you write a legal brief while riding a unicycle and waving at orphans. And because they act skeptical and distant you’re supposed to leap up and over prove and show that you have no boundaries and will stay late and work weekends and do the absolute most for them. After which attestation they will act even more skeptical and distant as if they still don’t believe or aren’t sure of you. It’s all to establish a dynamic we’re they are the prize and the chooser and to get you working immediately so hard for their approval that you ask no questions or make no demands of your own. What do they pay? Does it meet your rate?? Oh…only $2 an hour?? By putting you on the defensive to prove, theyd hoped you’d overlook that fact and get caught up in a dynamic where you’re overbidding for their very cheap and poor quality affection and approval.

A version of this can also happen on the job with a boss or team. Where theyre always acting like they doubt your loyalty to them or commitment to the team. (IDK, but can we really trust her. Is she really ready for that kind of responsibility) and constantly turning their nose down at you to make you insecure and doing a dance to prove. They hope you don’t ask what said increased responsibility pays because they want you so bent on convincing them you can handle it that you overlook the fact you’re not getting a raise for taking it on.

While you’re doing that the real questions are lost. Are they promoting you regularly? Is your pay increasing steadily? Is it above or below market rate? Do you feel safe there? How good are they for you????

I worked a job with a boss who was always questioning if people were “loyal” to him or “selfish”. The good girl in me was being stimulated to prove I’m good see! Loyal! Not selfish at all! The reality is was he loyal to me? There were several occasions where I discerned he talked behind my back in a way that portrayed me negatively for responding to disrespect. In any situation where our interests conflicted, even if I had the moral high ground or the rules were on my side, he threw me under the bus.

He was constantly pushing me to prove loyalty to him even in situations where I was being mistreated or wronged and it was his responsibility to defend me and prove loyalty to me by correcting the culprits. He did nothing and instead continued to squint narrowly and quibble over whether I was really a genuinely loyal to him and as committed to the team as I should be. He should’ve been proving loyalty to me at that moment but was still acting like I needed to dance/ prove it to him.

They hope you’re so busy trying to prove yourself and be enough for them you never ask

Men who on their first few dates play that game where they’re acting like they’re unsure about you- Hmmm, i don’t know…i kinda like you…but can you cook?- are trying to effect that same dynamic of setting themself up as the chooser and the prize so that you can perform like a trained seal trying to prove you’re enough while you overlook areas they’re lacking and forget to make demands of and impose standards on them

They push you into a position of proving, hoping you forget to vet. They hope you forget that you have autonomy and power as a Chooser yourself and are more than a passive person trying to prove to them why you should be picked. YOU can reject THEM. And they hope that fact gets lost in the shuffle

If a guy hits you with a “i’m not so sure we can work/ youre what I need”, thinking you’re gonna get insecure and desperate to prove. Get the scissors and cut him off.

You’re not sure? Yeah well neither am I, I’m so glad we’re on the same page. And I believe we all have to respect/ honor our intuition. Take care, my manz! grumbled protest and shock Oh no no! I totally agree with what you aid and I don’t believe it’s good to force these things. DEUCES.

If he tries to push you into proving yourself, you turn the tables on him and instead leave him scrambling to prove his value to you at risk of getting left