How do I avoid feeling guilt when a guy spends money on me?

janeaustenfan99 · 2020-02-20T18:44:26+00:00

My male therapist told me you have to make men spend money on you on dates to invest/show some level of commitment toward you.

2020-02-20T17:07:55+00:00

Try to figure out what beliefs you have that lead to that guilt (e.g. "I don't deserve to be treated nicely" or "if he does nice things for me then I have to do nice things for him and I don't want to be trapped into that" etc.). Once you have articulated those beliefs, you can consciously refute them.

mycatpukesglitter · 2020-02-20T18:25:06+00:00

I have the same issues and I've been able to recognize I have the same sentiments because:

I am afraid the man will try to use his spending to gain power and control or expect me to reciprocate sexually
I deep down did not believe I was worthy of a person spending money on me
I grew up poor and my relationship with money is messed up overall
If a man loses interest because he paid for a date, he ain't the one

As hard as it is, realize that when you spend money on someone, you want to, right? Give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves you otherwise that he also WANTS to spend this cash on you.

I also agree with u/jazzyjazcons. You really should look into counseling, it might help sort out why you feel this way.

eleacon · 2020-02-20T18:14:27+00:00

Think of it this way - men value what they invest in!! I learned this and it is fantastically described in the FDS-approved book Why Men Love Bitches. Give it a read!

gigi_chi · 2020-02-20T17:51:14+00:00

If you knew you deserved to be treated nicely you wouldn’t be asking this question. I’m in agreement with the other ladies , you should explore why you don’t think you deserve this treatment. Once you get to the root of it you will be okay 😘

throwaway23004345 · 2020-02-20T17:48:08+00:00

Remember: women get paid less in the workplace than men for the same job. It costs more time and money to be a woman (make up, clothes, hair, nails, perfume, perfume etc) so the least a man can do is treat you. Don’t act overly shocked when someone pays for you. Just smile and say thank you.

Shermaow · 2020-02-21T00:05:38+00:00

I’m TERRIBLE about feeling guilty/accepting gifts or help, etc. One of the things that helped me was to look at it like this:

You know that feeling when you get a small gift for a friend or treat them to coffee and it makes you feel nice to do something for them? Imagine the roles reversed and the person treating you now gets to have that nice feeling too.

Ncrlz93 · 2020-02-20T17:28:47+00:00

I always have this belief that you are always in control. If he buys you a drink never feel guilty, just always feel in control.

jazzyjazcons · 2020-02-20T17:15:34+00:00

First of all, it sounds and looks like you’re new, so welcome to FDS!

I get paranoid....they’ll end up loosing interest

one way money pit

Over a $50 dinner/drinks? I think this may be above FDS. You should may be look into therapy. There seems to be some deep rooted issues at play.

dilligent_squatter · 2020-02-20T19:07:22+00:00

Even my 83 year old grandma has said “You’re the prize. A man has to impress you and keep impressing you and show he’s willing to provide for you and your future children.”

Even a man who makes less money should still be treating you and putting in effort to make you feel special. If that makes you feel guilty, I agree with the other posters that counseling might be a good idea. I had a bad breakup at one point and it did a number on my self worth, therapy was so, so helpful. Women put so much unseen, unpaid, unappreciated work into relationships, and you are 100% worthy of his care and resources.👸

Title	How do I avoid feeling guilt when a guy spends money on me?
Author	zasto
Upvotes	29
Comments	13
Date	February 20, 2020 10:00 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f6qx50/how_do_i_avoid_feeling_guilt_when_a_guy_spends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-i-avoid-feeling-guilt-when-a-guy-spends.681962 https://theredarchive.com/post/681962

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