How should a non-exclusive, potential partner support you when getting IUD?

VelvetKnuckleduster · 2020-09-21T23:05:50+00:00

I wouldn't mention something like that with someone I was seeing casually. It's too personal. Those conversations can be had when there's some degree of commitment and you're ready to start having sex with them, and don't even think about ditching condoms until quite a while after that when you've built up more trust.

2020-09-21T23:46:21+00:00

I’m a fairly private person in general, but I would not tell a man I’m not exclusive with about this procedure or my birth control status. First of all, it’s private medical information and TMI for me at that stage of dating. I would not tell him if I was having a mole removed, a lump removed from my breast, etc either. Secondly, it could easily result in him thinking there is condomless sex in his near future. Do not underestimate the audacity of scrotes.

It sounds like you’ve already told him about this, so my advice would be to refrain from mentioning it again. Day-of, you’re just busy. Night-of, you’re just resting and relaxing at home. If he asks how it went, be very vague and just say “fine!” Honestly, support should come from your friends and family anyway, not this man who you’re not exclusive with yet and don’t have a sexual relationship with yet either. That is putting too much emotional stock into a man who hasn’t earned it yet.

electroloop · 2020-09-21T22:13:28+00:00

My partner at the time didn’t really support me. In fact, I got the IUD as his suggestion of constantly using Plan B was wreaking havoc on my body.

I think males can be dicks about the fact we get IUDs. Let’s be real, sex without a condom feels so much better. These men aren’t appreciative of all the side effects having an IUD causes. I’ve even heard instances of the IUD migrating and puncturing people’s uteruses.

Unfortunately, the LVM I’ve been with complain about “feeling the strings.” Get the IUD for YOURSELF, not for a casual partner’s pleasure. In fact, he should be the one paying for it.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-09-21T23:14:30+00:00

I didn’t really tell him I was getting it, just went and did it but I randomly happened to run into him in the parking lot of my doctors office (he lived literally across the street and was cutting through the lot to go to the store he frequented and spotted me by my very recognizable car) and when I told him what I’d done and was obviously feeling queasy and in pain because of it, he bought lunch, asked me back to his place (since it was right there) and we ate, watched tv and I napped to try to get over the cramps. No trying to have sex, no crude comments about anything, he was just a decent guy. But had I not run into him, he probably wouldn’t have known as we used condoms anyway

vghoulgirl · 2020-09-21T23:52:59+00:00

Is nothing private anymore? A very personal medical procedure is not something to be shared with a male near stranger.

hypointellectual · 2020-09-21T22:19:41+00:00

The correct way to react would be for him to understand that it is a medical procedure, which comes with pain, uncertainty and anxiety. His immediate reaction should be to make sure you are comfortable and taken care of. He should listen to you, help you weigh your decisions, and help you stay relaxed and reassured. Any reaction related to sex and what/how this modification to YOUR body could benefit him is a red flag.

I feel you about Plan B. A lot of my exes were just like well Plan B exists so you’ll be fine. Excuse me? Men have zero idea how this shit works and just see as something that benefits them by removing consequences. They don’t take into the account that it literally wrecks you and it has real consequences for the FEMALE body.

Accountabili_Buddy · 2020-09-21T22:32:07+00:00

I can’t speak about an IUD, but I have had 2 implants.

For my second one I was 4-5 months into exclusivity with my LVEx. I asked him to split the cost of it with me and he was a complete asshole about it (should’ve been a red flag 🚩). He did end up splitting the cost because I was dead set on it. After the procedure he did take care of me at his place because my arm was very painful and sore. It felt heavy.

I would expect at least a “Hope you’re doing well today.” text with an offer of support from a not exclusive male. With an exclusive one, you better be rubbing my feet, telling me I’m beautiful, and getting me flowers, and taking care of me... because female shit suuuuucks

Pahapan · 2020-09-22T00:10:13+00:00

I got my IUD a month after getting an abortion, which I had to pass off as a miscarriage because my abusive ex was reproductively coercing me and told me he'd kill me if I ever aborted. He clearly wasn't thrilled by it, but I'd been emotionally ruined by the abortion and even he could see the change in me. I told him I couldn't handle getting pregnant again and he didn't really even respond when I told him I was going to get an IUD. He knew that would tip his hand. What kind of monster would tell their girlfriend not to get an IUD following a miscarriage? He knew he couldn't be that blatant, even though he is that kind of monster. I was already slipping out of his fingers, the pregnancy he'd meant to entrap me with gone, and he didn't want to spook me further when I'd already tried to leave him several times. There was a marked difference in him after I got the IUD, though. It was like he wasn't really interested in having sex with me anymore if he couldn't impregnate me.

A casual, non-exclusive man isn't someone I'd be sharing personal medical information with, especially not pertaining to my birth control. I'm not going to tell any man about my IUD outside of a committed monogamous relationship, and even then it's going to take a hell of a lot of trust. The only way to tamper with an IUD is to pull it out but I wouldn't necessarily trust a man to not do that. I don't trust people anymore, not enough to take the possibility of being reproductively coerced again lightly.

Title	How should a non-exclusive, potential partner support you when getting IUD?
Author	bobbleann
Upvotes	4
Comments	10
Date	September 21, 2020 9:20 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ix9nfy/how_should_a_nonexclusive_potential_partner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-should-a-non-exclusive-potential-partner.277351 https://theredarchive.com/post/277351

Comments