I have chronic trust issues. I feel like trusting others is stupid and that it's no one's fault but your own when you get lied to or deceived. By trusting, you train your SO that he can lie to you, and you'll always silence your inner voice to believe him

ModernDayOracle · 2020-09-16T21:49:55+00:00

(Full disclosure - this sounded like trauma talking, so I took a quick peek at your post history.)

Being slow to trust is healthy, being unable to trust is something you should work on with a therapist. This is a very common aspect of CPTSD, the traumatising relationship teaches the traumatised person that it isnt safe to trust anyone, so they look for 'proof' of broken trust or set up situations where trust is challenged so they can reinforce their internal narrative that no one can be trusted. You can learn healthy trust, and you can discover ways of managing the grey areas between the current black and white thinking you're experiencing. If you're not already doing so, I'd highly recommend seeing a therapist that specialises in DBT.

strangerinthealps_ · 2020-09-16T21:57:48+00:00

I’m sorry that you’ve been mistreated to the point that you feel like this. There are people in my life whom I trust, but they’ve earned it. However, if my gut sense said that something was “off” with them, I would still look into it. There needs to be a balance between trusting another person and trusting your intuition. If you build your SO up to the point where they’re the center of your universe and can do no wrong, then yes, you may actively be silencing that voice (which is why we don’t encourage doing so) to your detriment. I don’t set out to deliberately mistrust anyone OR put them on a pedestal- I observe their actions over a long period of time, and that evaluation is ongoing.

That being said, some people are excellent liars and can keep up an act for years. You can take steps to protect your heart and still fail, but you can’t blame yourself 100% for someone else’s bad behavior. You learn from it, you grow, and you move on. You can’t “train” someone to be untrustworthy, chances are they were already that kind of person. It doesn’t make you stupid to trust, it makes you human. Does that make sense?

2020-09-16T22:40:44+00:00

Blind trust is okay in societies where people have each other's back, and will be held accountable for breaking social norms and rules.

We do not have that right now.

nieces-pieces · 2020-09-17T00:50:51+00:00

I feel like I’m the opposite like I’m very naive and trusting and want to see the good in people but actively force myself to push people away or start calling bullshit. Then they get their feelings hurt or whatever and I feel guilty. So I give them the benefit of the doubt. Then it’s like BLAM you were right BWAHAHAHA!

throwawayfosterthrow · 2020-09-17T15:49:42+00:00

Trust is a vital part of a healthy long term relationship. The FDS strategy helps you identify a man who is potentially worthy of your trust. It’s important to be guarded while you’re vetting a man, but eventually you need to be able to trust the HVM or it’ll spell the end for the relationship. Until you feel ready to trust the right man, it’s a good idea to take a break from dating. A good therapist can be a huge help!

(I’m happily married to a HVM, they do exist and they are trustworthy. He’s proven over and over that I can rely on him)

NotUrmillenial · 2020-09-16T22:41:49+00:00

I 100% agree with you but I’m also lonely now as a result :/

sunset74420 · 2020-09-17T00:35:08+00:00

I don't know about that. I get what you are saying because I am slow to trust people myself, but I have an issue with faulting the person that made the mistake of trusting the wrong person. Whether or not someone misrepresents themselves to others has nothing to do with the person being lied to and everything to do with the person doing the lying. I'm all about empowering oneself to listen and act on that inner voice that tells you something isn't right, but people who refuse to act in good faith need to be held accountable for what they say and do.

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