I just discovered that the guy I've been seeing for a while sells nudes on onlyfans...

sashimi_girl · 2020-05-03T23:59:39+00:00

Let’s consider:

would he be okay with YOU having the same job?
what is his plan for when money is tight? Does he have an education? He’s basically “freelancing”, so his income is relatively varied. How long exactly is this gap on his resumé, and how would he explain that to a possible employer in the future?
is this his “full time” job?
does he communicate with his OnlyFans members in any other ways? Are you honestly comfortable with that possibility?

WildTenderness · 2020-05-03T23:41:21+00:00

He's getting the satisfaction of being desired from other people. Is that what you want?

StupidHappyPancakes · 2020-05-04T04:04:04+00:00

I highly doubt that he's making good money with just nudes, and I also highly doubt he's making good money appealing to just women either. I fear that this is one of those situations where you'll have to drag the REAL truth out of him bit by bit. He was already secretive about his job, and now he just gives you some vague answer about making good money selling his own faceless nudes. Does that sound remotely plausible? You haven't gotten the whole story yet.

I can practically guarantee you that his main clientele is gay men, and he's producing actual sexual content and not just nudes. Nude dudes are a dime a dozen and women just aren't that thirsty, so he's got to be providing explicit sexual material and/or some kind of niche fetish work.

Now, I'll freely admit that I've never done sex work and I'm not familiar with that particular platform, but all I know is that there are very few men in sex work who make a living off of just women. If that were the case, tons of men would strip, do porn, or prostitute themselves, but in reality, male sex workers inevitably end up having to serve gay men.

And this may be partially my own particular trauma talking, but I would never again get involved with a man who might have any kind of sexual involvement with other men. Even if he hasn't done so yet, you and I both know that doing sex work tends to escalate into doing full on porn or prostitution; if he has steady fans, they are going to want him to go further and further, and the money might be too good to pass up.

Even if we take the very best possible interpretation and say, yup, he's financially supporting himself solely via tasteful nudes that classy ladies pay to see (it sounds so ludicrous even as I type it out!), there again, what if these ladies want more from him over time? Wouldn't it suck always worrying what he was doing and who was paying him to do it?

I would also have the fear that if this is his sole income, he could be acting as some kind of "manager" or "agent," (i.e. pimp) for other performers. It's just simply not that easy to make money by doing that kind of work, so I deeply suspect that he is far more involved in the sex business than you might be comfortable with, whether it's explicit gay content, performing with others, or taking a cut of other sex workers' earnings.

I despise men being secretive, and I doubt he feels empowered and proud of what he does or he would have been more up front with you. Okay, perhaps his job isn't first conversation material, but you've been going out for two months and keeping in touch through the pandemic and he's only getting to this now?

I think if someone is worried that some aspect of themselves will be a relationship dealbreaker, they need to be upfront about it instead of leaving the other person in the dark and waiting until she starts to maybe have feelings for him and thus be more likely to accept that possible dealbreaker. I would never again want to live in fear of finding out The Real Truth bit by bit.

However, ultimately your gut instinct is what matters and not mine. One thing to consider, though, is that this sub is anti-porn and advises finding men who believe the same, and by him performing in porn, isn't he also saying he's okay with the entire porn industry, including women being subjugated by it? I mean, we're supposed to look for anti-porn guys, but you can't be ANTI porn if you're IN porn, especially when you make your entire living from it.

If your gut is compellingly telling you that this guy still deserves a shot, my suggestion would be to at least put all the cards on the table. Ask him directly how explicit the content he produces is, who his clientele is, the nature of the explicit content, if he meets clients offscreen, if he performs scenes with other people, and if this is some temporary thing or something he intends to keep doing. And if he gets super defensive when you ask these questions...that's an answer in itself, isn't it?

2020-05-04T01:00:27+00:00

Need more info, is he making good money? Is he supporting himself plus spending well on you with this? Is he advancing other money opportunities?

I'd keep him in my rooster, but definitely not be solo with him unless he moved on to something bigger than could provide more. But it's cool that he's found something to make money from that isn't time costly. Let the men do porn, free the women and children.

Seraphinx · 2020-05-04T15:26:51+00:00

Regardless of all the other moral aspects of porn which people have covered, wth is his long term plan? People aren't going to pay him for that forever.

I'd be highly suspicious he's making enough to live on just from nudes (ESPECIALLY faceless ones, who pays for that? No one), unless he already owns / inherited property.

He's doing something else and he's trickle truthing you about it while you get more and more attached.

rinabean · 2020-05-04T10:42:57+00:00

you said:

I'm not sure I like that haha

and you don't want to post elsewhere because you are worried people will tell you you have to like it:

accuse OP's of exaggerating or not being open-minded enough etc

You don't need to have reasons or whatever. It doesn't need to stand up to anyone's scrutiny. You don't like it, and that's fine. Don't be tying yourself in knots for a man you don't even know. He is not the only/last respectful man you will ever meet

steingrrrl · 2020-05-05T00:40:17+00:00

I wonder if women would pay for access to naked photos of men. Or if it’s mostly men that buy them. If it’s the later, I wonder if he’s aware of that.

ErikaNaumann · 2020-05-05T01:52:02+00:00

It's called GAY 4 PAY

This is very common in the bodybuilding world. I didn't know normal guys did it too. But I guarantee no woman is paying for his nudes. It's guys. And he is probably doing some masturbation videos, and maaaybe even some prostitution.

B_fds · 2020-05-04T09:48:04+00:00

This sounds like a hard situation, I really feel for you. I think your concerns about being dragged into this are very valid.

As another user pointed out, there is a very limited market for male nudes. I would be suspicious that this is him testing your boundaries around him producing porn. I suspect the level of pornographic material he is making is much more than nude photos and you will only find out once you are deeper into the relationship.

For me, however this is all a bit of moot point. I would consider my partner sharing nudes with someone else cheating. Money does not negate infidelity and this would be a dealbreaker.

Title	I just discovered that the guy I've been seeing for a while sells nudes on onlyfans...
Author	_darkside_ofthemoon_
Upvotes	22
Comments	9
Date	May 3, 2020 7:23 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gcwi0e/i_just_discovered_that_the_guy_ive_been_seeing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-just-discovered-that-the-guy-ive-been-seeing-for.677016 https://theredarchive.com/post/677016

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