Insecure About My Personality

_tinyimp · 2020-06-25T04:18:16+00:00

I’m sorry so many people have made your introversion out to be a character flaw?? It’s difficult for me as well to pursue relationships because I feel like they don’t know what they’re actually getting. Obviously we don’t completely lack social skills so we seem appealing on the outside, but then we aren’t the perfect little hallmark party planning girl next door they envisioned.

But why should we be insecure about our introversion? Wouldn’t it be hell to date an extroverted man who drags you around to meet new friends 5 days out of the week? Being introverted alone also doesn’t determine your whole personality. Don’t let people in your life convince you that just because you have 2 close friends instead of 30 shallow ones, that it suddenly changes who you are. Also, shouldn’t they be flattered that you allowed them into your small social circle as an introvert? Are you sure they aren’t negging you or are jealous of you?? Don’t let them trick you into becoming insecure! If someone says you have a lame personality, do not be their friend. If someone says you’re nearly perfect except for xyz, do not date them because they’re negging you. I have tried to pursue extroverted men before and it is exhausting for me. I always feel ashamed of myself for going out of my comfort zone to make them think I am like them. If you change any aspect of who you are for a man be prepared to feel like you’re lying to yourself.

Now about learning how to own up not being a social butterfly? Don’t let them think that being introverted = shy or that having few friends = insecure. Immediately shut down men that say anything along these lines because they may be looking for a docile woman, and that guy negging you could have been testing whether you’d change yourself for him! The only way I can think about making sure you give off ‘I’m selective of who I keep around me’ energy instead of ‘I’m so sad and alone’ energy as an introvert is to reassess how you word things and describe yourself to others. Don’t use self-deprecating humor about having few friends. Don’t complain about being free every weekend. Make men ask you questions instead of over sharing too quickly. And DO NOT bring up your insecurities about having no friends!!! Insecurities can be used against you later and if they bring it up on their own just be like ‘oh friends come and go’ and deflect by asking ‘who was your best childhood friend?’ And if they ask you in return there’s the perfect opportunity to flaunt your greatest past friendship and appear social! Sorry this is long but I hope it helped somehow.

tellmesomething11 · 2020-06-25T03:53:05+00:00

I’ve felt this way. I remember I almost gave up after my last relationship, because there are so many attributes that other women have that I don’t. I’m not that social. I don’t drink. I get tired easily. I wake up cranky and hate dirty houses. My hair is a mess. I don’t want friends but sometimes feel a bit lonely when I see other people at bars with loads of friends. Red lipstick looks stupid on me but nice on other people. Sometimes I get bored. Sometimes I’m really mad for no reason.

Whenever a former ex got into a relationship with someone else, I always was like, see? She seems more for you than me. I convince myself that these women are gentle, never angry, never sad, never work out and have great hair days.

It always surprises me when men try to stick around me and explain that they want me because I just don’t see it.

I know better now...while I do have the above issues, I also don’t watch tv because I read about 100 books a year ( for the past few years anyway). I don’t wear makeup because I’m pretty without it. I save money. I’m kind to animals. I care about people but have boundaries. I like to workout and I like nature. I draw and paint and dance. I have a few degrees. So, while there are some things that I am not, there are some things that I am.

I may not be for everyone and that’s okay. For many years I wanted to be perfect but it was draining. I read in a book once, a man says to his wife “ Can’t I find someone who loves me for me? A man that likes steak, some wine and a good book?” And he was a good man, but his wife wanted some scrub man who didn’t even care about her. He deserved better. We all do.

One day I’ll meet someone who buys me books. When I wake up cranky he’ll make me cinnamon rolls. He will love my wild ass curly hair and never ask me to straighten or cut it. Maybe he will buy me chocolate cake. When I feel distressed maybe he will leave me alone for a while and not take it as a personal attack because I need space.

And one day you’ll find someone who loves you for you.

And if we don’t, well, I guess I’ll have to buy myself the cinnamon rolls.

ivory_727 · 2020-06-25T03:41:09+00:00

I've dealt with this and still do, but ultimately you'll feel better about yourself if you stop caring what people think. I think you probably already know this, but every now and then our insecurities get to us, so just remember there is nothing wrong with you for being selective about your social circle. Any full grown adult knows how hard it is to make friends, ESPECIALLY as an adult, so anyone with an opinion worth caring about WILL NOT think you're inferior for dealing with such a common issue. Having friends is great, but usually not easy past a certain age. I would be your friend any day! ❤

43rdaccount · 2020-06-25T06:21:14+00:00

that guy telling u a reason ur not perfect is negging you. dont waste your energy on assholes. this whole post is examples of people around you perpetuating societal expectations by scaring you into thinking you wont find a man and that not having a man is bad

1) you will find your person when the time is right. theres no need for pressuring you like this. there is no imaginary clock ticking somewhere

2) you shouldnt let them trick you into worrying about satisfying men. men arent a necessity nor a priority and shouldnt even be a consideration when youre thinking about bettering yourself / mental health. if you feel you might have social anxiety thats more than just being an introvert, thats another question

3) when you do find your person, it will feel good! you wont feel misunderstood, or made fun of, or inferior than

so for now, enjoy your school/work/life sis! 💜

cupcakedreamz · 2020-06-25T03:41:24+00:00

I feel you on this because I am highly introverted. According to my personality test over 70%. When I was younger is used to be a massive insecurity for me as well. Not feeling social enough or 'good 'enough because of it. My social circle is small, but frankly I have no qualms over it now. I prefer it that way. A small group of people I truly trust and can count on. At the end of the day we need to own who we are. Have confidence, self love, self awareness. DO NOT CHANGE WHO YOU ARE FOR A MAN! One that cannot accept you for the person you are will certainly not love you. They aren't worth the gum on the bottom of your shoe.

Those men you described sound like they were negging you trying to take cheap shots., take your self esteem down a notch or two. Do not believe or fall for their BS. Block and move on!

We got this 👑

gluckkk · 2020-06-25T17:22:45+00:00

I started talking to a counselor because I felt the same way. How can I ever find someone to date if I can’t even find people to be friends with? Who would want to be with someone who has no close relationships (other than semi-close family)? What does it say about me that I don’t have many people around me?

The counselor wasn’t very helpful when it came to tips about how to open myself up to new friends. Their advice was to go to meet-ups and ‘try new activities!’ Yeah, whatever. I do plenty of social activities, my job is 100% social 100% of the time, and I rarely find people I connect with while doing any of those.

But it was helpful to get that advice because it made me realize that it just takes time to find people to be close with. It’s a one-in-a-million shot to find someone you click with. And, whether a friend or a romantic interest, they HAVE to understand the level of interaction you need to thrive. That being said, given the vast amount of misinformation about introversion that’s out there (that we’re anti-social, or hate people), and all the different perceptions people have of it (that you’re either introverted or extroverted and there is no scale, that introverts are scary), I would not immediately tell someone you’re an introvert. It’s an unnecessary label. Have someone get to know you, and if you become invested in one another and your interaction needs aren’t being met (he want to go out too much, etc.), then and only then have a conversation.

But I have great social skills, a great job, and I’m pretty fucking hot. So if a romantic interest can’t get past me needing a little alone time to charge, fuck him. Block & delete. Introversion is nothing to be insecure about. If anything, you’re more mysterious than women who put everything on display.

Title	Insecure About My Personality
Author	TossyTossTossy
Upvotes	21
Comments	10
Date	June 24, 2020 9:38 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hfa2za/insecure_about_my_personality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/insecure-about-my-personality.699369 https://theredarchive.com/post/699369

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