Know your priorities...

hoIds_up_spork · 2020-02-03T20:23:26+00:00

if i died while my brother's wife was pregnant i'd definitely want him to be with her, tbh. it's not even a question.

i'm already dead, it's not like i'm going to be at the funeral. depending on your religious beliefs, i'm either chilling with jesus and in eternal bliss, chilling with satan and clearly have more important issues than my funeral, or my consciousness literally doesn't exist anymore and i don't even know there's a funeral.

popfriday · 2020-02-03T20:33:58+00:00

I’m not mad at him for being in a dilemma. I’m mad this is a baiting post that paints the wife in the worst light possible.

Somehow I doubt she was this cold and not compassionate. Did she never hold him as he cried, cook for him, comfort him? Be patient and loving as he grieved? I’m CONFIDENT she has done this and so much more. But of course OP is only interested and hyping up her refusal, no doubt embellishing her response and refusing to give a fair portrayal of her and how she’s responded to his sisters death.

Like you said there’s always way more to the story. I used to love AITA until all the posts became validation posts for men who are perpetual victims of female “abuse.”I mean this might not be the case this time but it’s so one sided I wouldn’t be surprised if it was.

Yianna_F · 2020-02-03T20:16:33+00:00

[deleted]

Yianna_F · 2020-02-03T07:41:07+00:00

The post in case it gets deleted:

"AITA for potentially missing my wife’s birth because of the funeral of my sibling?

u/throwra__funeral5h

Throwaway.

About a week ago my twin sister passed away suddenly. I don’t want to go into the details but I am completely devastated by grief; I loved her more than anything else in this world. Even though I rarely got to see her in person we FT’d a few times a week and We were very very very close.

On the other hand I am not close at all with my parents, who are in charge of planning the funeral which is scheduled for a weekend that is a few days before my wife’s due date and will be taking place in our hometown which is about a 3 hour drive from where I live. I pleaded and pleaded with them to change the date but they’ve already paid and set down the non refundable deposit and apparently it’s the best time for all of our extended family who had to coordinate with time off and other things - so there’s nothing I can do in terms of getting it rescheduled. Wife cannot come because she’s been ordered to move as little as possible by her OB.

I tentatively brought this up with my wife and she didn’t even give me a chance to explore all the possibilities, she just straight up said hell no and she said that this would damage her trust in me because i won’t be there when she needs me the most which I understand but I cannot comprehend how she expects me to miss this. I just can’t.

I want to fly there the night before the funeral and then fly back the morning after or the night of. If anything does happen I can reschedule the flight or leave immediately but she’ll be in good hands because she’s got her family to take care of her while I’m gone and I’ll be on FaceTime with her whenever I can.

Today I brought it up again and I tried to be sympathetic with her but she still refused to budge. I then told her that I understand her position but that this is the last chance I’ll get to say goodbye to my twin and there is zero chance of me missing that, absent a catastrophic event. She accused me of abandoning her and she’s been ignoring me and acting cold to me

AITA?"

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2020-02-03T23:35:01+00:00

My dad missed his fathers funeral because I had just been born, I was a dangerous pregnancy, my mom was still recovering from her C-section, and they had a 18month old in addition to a newborn. He would have had to fly overseas to go to the funeral, and because he didn’t, his sisters refused to speak to him for almost a decade. Because he put taking care of his living wife and daughters was more important than going home to mourn his father. Reading this post was gross for me, I never realized that people wouldn’t be uninterested on this, the family you create has to come before the feelings of the one you come from.

YveisGrey · 2020-02-04T00:55:54+00:00

We don’t have the full story and he could have worded things better but honestly I would let him go. It’s a few days before due date but many women are late to give birth also labor is usually long. The chance of him actually missing the birth are low if he is only gone one day. But yes he needs to have a back up plan in case like her parents (he should also drive so he can control when he leaves again incase she goes in labor). I honestly don’t think this would bother me, I know women who even chose to give birth without their husbands (or any family) because they didn’t want to be stressed, they preferred only having a doula or midwife who actually knows what’s happening and what to do. Husbands came to the suite after the birth. So idk I guess it depends on the woman but I wouldn’t see this situation as some deal breaker or evidence that he doesn’t care.

Title	Know your priorities...
Author	Yianna_F
Upvotes	14
Comments	11
Date	February 3, 2020 7:39 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ey3jvj/know_your_priorities/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/know-your-priorities.683394 https://theredarchive.com/post/683394

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