“Pick me” refers to a person who:

  1. May not understand that the woman is the prize in heterosexual dating and therefore thinks the act of picking is a male prerogative.

  2. Is hateful, hostile, competitive, spiteful or defensive to other women.

  3. Someone who is under the impression that you need another relationship to get over an old relationship - That’s called monkey bar dating and signals a fear of being alone with yourself. It’s okay to take time to yourself to do anything BUT date. Believe it or not that is a dating strategy.

  4. A pick me can be someone who multi-dates, ranking the people she dates - Having a hierarchy of people you’re dating is not Queen shit. If there is ever a good enough reason to create a pile/rank/pyramid of the guys you’re dating, you’re holding onto deadweight....Who is at the bottom and why is he there at all?

  5. Can’t be friends with admirable women, and instead gravitates to an insecure group of friends.

  6. Someone who is consumed with dating and puts her entire worth in the status of “dating”- there is so much more to life. If you find you are constantly dating, or have never not been “seeing” other people, then you might want to take some time and think why. Dating/men even if you’re dating 4 guys, should still only take up 3 hours of a working day MAX (that’s assuming you’re awake for 16 hours). You should spend time with friends and family, invest in your career/livelihood, spend time on your hobby, physical exercise, and have some time doing absolutely nothing.

  7. Someone who dates without her own goals in mind - do you want a serious or casual relationship? There is no right answer, but don’t settle for something which is not what you want.

“Pick me” isn’t:

  1. Someone who exercises empathy for the men they date whether or not they choose to continue the relationship. Emotional maturity is being able to draw boundaries despitefeelings, NOT someone who pretends feelings don’t exist and draws boundaries on that basis.

  2. Someone who falls in love or misses their ex- let’s not forget love is an emotion. You don’t have to be with everyone you have feelings for. You can have love and compassion for someone and still walk away. You’re not a “pick me” simply for experiencing unrequited love or or experiencing not having your needs met. It’s all part of the compatibility journey - as long as you learn to walk away in good time, and you don’t linger in a sour/non-beneficial situation.

  3. Someone who chooses not to actively date because they’re still working through past trauma - I think just as a general principle all people (women and men) should still act with honestly integrity and emotional responsibility. If you’re an absolute mess, sometimes its actually better for you (and the person you end up dating) if you don’t date at all.

  4. Someone who may have Male friends - you can still keep Male acquaintances and Male friends with the wisdom and appreciation of their male tendencies. Male-female relationships are possibly one of the few way #Maledepravity might ever be corrected. It’s a perfect position to observe and challenge these behaviours, and you could help another girl out.

  5. Someone who is okay with casual relationships or multi dating - Especially for the under 25s on this sub, it is important to remember that (depending on culture) we probably aren’t dating to marry just yet. We’re dating to gain experiences, have good consensual sex, and feel emotions. In this case the overarching standard you need for yourself is “does this improve my life and make me happy?”. It’s a surprisingly easy question to answer when you look at it that way.

  6. Someone who decides not to commit to someone who wanted to commit to her - in fact this is the opposite of a pick me. You don’t have to take every opportunity that’s thrown at you. Choosing not to be in a relationship does not mean that you must be insecure and need to find ways to “level up”. Maybe a busy job, school, and personal projects is what you’d prefer to commit to at a certain point in time, and that’s completely fine. In fact there is no better investment.

  7. Someone who admits that they’re at a low point - so many factors in life besides effort and self esteem can make your life hit a low point. Sometimes setbacks are beyond your control and simply being in a bad state does not mean that you are lazy or unworthy (as long as you keep your life goals in sight).

  8. Someone who considers that they may be the common factor in their dating failures - committing character assassination on all of your exes is a great way to justify moving on, but a sure way to guarantee you won’t move up. It’s not an effective means of resolution and actually it’s a narcissistic tactic commonly used by depraved makes (“she’s crazy”). You may not have been the villain in the relationship, but your judgement may have been at fault, and that’s something to consider.

What are your thoughts?