Need help implementing FDS and becoming a high-value lady.

turquoiseblues · 2019-12-07T00:17:37+00:00

Therapy. Not trying to be glib, but there’s a lot to unpack here.

iab9oy · 2019-12-07T00:31:35+00:00

Why do you want another male partner if you don't like sex? If it's just for the financial stability, you're going to want to level up HARD and then just go for the gold.

FemclFleshBeckyBones · 2019-12-07T00:52:47+00:00

Seconding therapy, but in the meantime, get into the gym (or work out at home), eat a healthy diet if you're not already, and start thinking about what you should do to start improving your career. Which might mean switching. I wouldn't recommend dating until you've been in therapy and the two of you have decided it's time.

2019-12-07T02:22:05+00:00

I know you're feeling like this is an ego hit, but have you asked yourself why? Why does this hurt or make you feel less about yourself?

Reading your post, I can see that your ex wanted more physical intimacy than you wanted or were comfortable with. It sounds like he likes going out, whereas you're more of a homebody. He likes to travel, and that's not something you're necessarily interested in. To me it just simply sounds as if the two of you weren't compatible. His new gf's age, intelligence, and beauty are sort of inconsequential. It doesn't sound like he left you because you are old, dumb and ugly, it sounds like you just didn't have that much in common and were holding one another back. I think whenever the hurt feelings come up, maybe it would be helpful to remind yourself of these things.

That being said, I do agree that therapy is a good idea and I'm glad to hear you're looking into it. I was especially curious about the part where you turned down going on trips, but later have wondered if it would have been fun. This would be a good thing to explore with a therapist, so that you don't unintentionally hold yourself back from fully experiencing life.

In the future, when you're ready to date again, just make sure that you're honest with yourself and with future partners about who you are and what you enjoy.

CoolMelonade · 2019-12-07T00:09:02+00:00

Do you all have kids?

MyGilleyCat · 2019-12-07T00:55:25+00:00

Honestly therapy. I think you mentioned your insurance has not kicked in yet but in the meantime I think there are recommended readings in the wiki if you are interested. There is a lot in your post, and I'm not sure a hunch of internet strangers would be the best equipped to help you through all of it, but I do think you can make improvements. Good luck.

TheLastUBender · 2019-12-07T08:27:28+00:00

I suggest looking for a female roommate so you can stay afloat in California.

husheveryone · 2019-12-07T02:53:47+00:00

Hugs. So, my gut level read on your post is that I kind of feel like your understanding of what went on emotionally in your marriage will eventually change if/when you get some good therapy. Your ex sounds super basic, like his needs sucked up all the air in that marriage, and you didn’t get the space to know who you were, and what makes your heart sing. This is quite common amongst women my age (40s) who are no longer married.

Overall I think you don’t consider your own natural more introverted/deeper predilections of value relative to your ex’s splashy social media presence (which BTW screams insecure freshly divorced dude tryna act like every cliche). This is probably how it was in your marriage— you valued your ex more than yourself.

Step 1: You must silence him and everything that orbits him. Now put that focus back on to you.

The LAST thing you need right now is the vulnerability of dating— you are major bait for an abuser right now, until you rebuild your sense of self and get financially stable.

Title	Need help implementing FDS and becoming a high-value lady.
Author	SadQueen35
Upvotes	18
Comments	17
Date	December 6, 2019 11:32 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e76gea/need_help_implementing_fds_and_becoming_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/need-help-implementing-fds-and-becoming-a-high.687401 https://theredarchive.com/post/687401

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