Never let a person get comfortable with disrespecting you!

brit-md · 2020-03-07T21:05:12+00:00

my rule after being an idiot in my teens: if I’m not engaged/married to you, ONE strike policy that will only be two strikes in extreme circumstances. if you’re afraid you’re losing something otherwise good, end it, be no contact and if it’s meant to be, he will find a way.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-03-07T21:36:12+00:00

In my experience, most people treat you how you let them, even if it’s just letting them continue to be in your presence while they’re shitty. I like no one enough to put up with shit from them; it’s a lonely life but I’d rather be alone with dignity and my cat than put up with bullshit to be in a crowded room.

LeftistEpicure · 2020-03-08T01:58:30+00:00

I’d like to add that this applies to everyone in your life, not just romantic partners. I just fired my “best” friend of eight years after she cancelled plans at the last minute twice in one week to spend time with her romantic partner. People treat you how you let them treat you. Now she’ll have to find somebody else to treat like shit.

StrawberryMoon3 · 2020-03-08T00:26:38+00:00

That's why i would never give them second chances. Strike 1 and they're out.

2020-03-07T22:32:46+00:00

I love this post but I have something to say.

I've seen some similar sentiments especially when I was struggling with my pickmishaitis. Now that I am past 24, my eyes have been opened. I used to read stuff like you teach people how to treat you and people only treat you with however much respect you allow them to. In fact Rachel Hollis put this in her book. Her own husband treated her like a booty call piece of garbage until she finally put her foot down, and then she says 14 years later she seen him grow into an amazing person and it's because she did not allow him to treat her with disrespect anymore. It's a really toxic dangerous message. Judge people on how they are treating u NOW, and if they are not treating you with respect right now, you need to permanently and I mean permanently block and delete. That's what those phrases mean, people can only treat you with disrespect if you allow them to- by staying in their life. I used to think that I needed to give lectures or coaching to guys, if they weren't treating me well or if they were lying to me they just needed some guidance for it must be because I have bad boundaries and it's my fault.i must not have been "strong"enough for them to "respect"me. That's not the case at all, and what it means by "you teach people how to treat you" is that people learn they cannot treat you that way because they watch you walk away forever. I've had any number of shity guys in my past suddenly become mr. Prince charming even for up to a year after I called them out on their bullshit. They get the same kind of Rush that they do when their mother calls them out on their bullshit- they feel proud about themselves that they are now "good boys". I've even seen a post on this subreddit in the past 24 hours that was saying that the guy acted like a total fuckboi in the beginning but all of a sudden he's this loyal devoted husband. I firmly believe that the kind of guys who dish out a bunch of bulshit and only change because they watch you walk away or not have any interest in them, those guys are seeking your approval and their "respect" is false. Find a guy who doesn't disrespect you from the very start. Same with friends. Sure, with family members that you feel obligated to stay in contact with, you can implement a rigid set of boundaries and enforce your boundaries. That's certainly effective on human behavior.

but do you really want to be with someone that you had to train just to be a decent human being? You're decent human being. Why do you have to settle for less than what you bring to the table? You don't. I lost all self-respect by dating somebody who needed me to "teach them how to treat me".

They eventually treated me great, but I felt gross and like I couldn't let my guard down and like they did not deserve me.

Title	Never let a person get comfortable with disrespecting you!
Author	3treeoil
Upvotes	314
Comments	14
Date	March 7, 2020 9:01 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ff1gv4/never_let_a_person_get_comfortable_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/never-let-a-person-get-comfortable-with.680685 https://theredarchive.com/post/680685

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