As recovering Pickme (in ALL areas of my life, not just with men), I need to constantly remind myself that I'm not a "cranky bitch" just because I'm not running around cleaning up everyone's emotional messes.

And that niceness is a fear-based defense mechanism to make sure people like me (and by the extension of my monkey brain - I don't get rejected by all of society and die). Its not the same as being kind and compassionate.