Question from a Virgin in a relationship; Should I not sleep with him until I’ve met his friends/he’s met mine even if it’s been 90 days?

Skittleschild02 · 2020-05-05T03:06:45+00:00

There’s no rush nor timeline in losing your virginity. When you’re ready, you’ll know. Just make sure it’s YOUR choice, not his choice.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-05-05T02:26:37+00:00

Idk what his friends have to do with sexual relations.... you sleep with him when you’re ready and you don’t seem like it. But then again I’m 27 and virgin so what do I know

CorruptSoulGem · 2020-05-05T02:49:52+00:00

Do what feels right to you. If you’re not 100% feeling it or something feels off then wait for it.

DazzlingMolasses7 · 2020-05-05T03:08:38+00:00

Shouldn’t matter what your friends or his friends think. Wait as long as until you feel it’s right. If he gives you any kind of shit for it, dump.

kimadoll · 2020-05-05T03:57:20+00:00

I’m gonna agree with you. It does matter if friends, family, loved ones of your SO likes you and you like them as well. If they don’t/you don’t, then it does cause trouble and unhappiness in relationships. Of course, they don’t need to “love you” or be your best friends, but it should generally feel comfortable and friendly when you’re around his people.

I would hold off until you feel more comfortable and you feel you would be able to see the two of you being happy together going forward. Meeting friends is also a big deal because birds of a feather flock together! You can’t know him until/unless you know his friends, how he acts around them and how he treats you around them.

Wait__No__What · 2020-05-05T03:07:14+00:00

You should wait. You don't know him well enough yet. Have you met his family? I wouldn't do anything until the lockdown is over and you can have normal, every day interactions with him. End of summer, soonest. You don't sound ready.

2020-05-05T03:49:59+00:00

[deleted]

kwalden2 · 2020-05-05T04:15:27+00:00

There will always be potential risks of a breakup or rough patch, especially after sex happens. Before you say yes, you must prepare to be responsible for those consequences. Be sure that you are healthy enough to remain strong and independent afterward. Take as much time as you need, which in your case may take into account some past trauma. You might want to set criteria for intimacy that other women don't have to have, like meeting friends first, and that's okay. Set your standards as high as you want!

Regardless of sex, I'm a bit troubled by the way you phrased meeting the friends. You seem more worried about if they like you than if you like them. That's why you meet his friends- it's to tell if he surrounds himself with people of character. You are the interviewer here. Hopefully, you can already predict how your friends would feel about about him. Even if your squad might not like him, you must have the courage to make decisions for yourself.

Universally important criteria for intimacy:

Do you want to be close in that way with him?

Is he invested, exclusive, and committed?

Have you both set realistic expectations together about STD testing*, birth control, time, and place?

*Yes I know you're a virgin, but he needs to be tested and the least you can do is reciprocate assuming you're not broke. It never hurts to know fir sure.

Persimmon_Collie · 2020-05-05T04:26:20+00:00

Yes absolutely. You should wait until you have met each other’s friends and spent time around them. Observe how he treats you when he is around his friends, as men be sweet when alone but treat you differently when they’re around other people. Does he still notice you while around friends like making eye contact, being physically affectionate, thinking about your needs, checking if you’re ok or if you need anything? Or does he suddenly act like you don’t exist? Suppose his friends or family were rude to you, would he be able to understand your perspective, or automatically take their side and make excuses for them and say you’re making a big deal about nothing? Or on the other hand, does he criticise you for not impressing his friends in the way he wants (not being bubbly if you’re an introvert for example, or criticising what you wear to a social event) that is also not a good sign. You sound sensible.

throwahweigh3521 · 2020-05-05T03:32:44+00:00

90 days????

What does 90 days have to do with having sex with another person virgin or not? Why would meeting his friends make a difference?

What requirements do you have for a first time? Have you talked about sex? Is he trustworthy? Safe? Considerate? What do you expect? What do both of you know about human sexual design and function? Does he watch porn?

Title	Question from a Virgin in a relationship; Should I not sleep with him until I’ve met his friends/he’s met mine even if it’s been 90 days?
Author	poisonbitesblue
Upvotes	6
Comments	13
Date	May 5, 2020 2:18 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gdpai7/question_from_a_virgin_in_a_relationship_should_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/question-from-a-virgin-in-a-relationship-should-i.722257 https://theredarchive.com/post/722257

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