Real talk... how the heck do you date?

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2019-10-31T14:08:02+00:00

I can't find myself able to give men the time of day. It's very hard to date, especially on apps which seem to be where everyone meets now and it's so easy to lie. I'm terrified of being lied to, of committing myself to a man who's deceiving me in some way, such as cheating on me or just not that into me and stringing me along. With that in mind, I find it hard to give anyone a chance.

First and foremost, do not be afraid of being lied to, or committing a man who's deceiving you. You might end up getting a few of those, despite your best efforts, because men lie. The key is not to let it destroy you. It'll suck for a while but you can cut him off and move on. Don't be afraid of meeting the liars, because you can ALWAYS choose to walk away. You can ALWAYS choose to swipe left on low effort profiles and even if your best vetting efforts fail to screen out a fuckboy, feel secure in your ability to walk away.

Second. Date RUTHLESSLY, like a cold, calculating b*tch and don't give a single fuck. Now that you're aware of the bullshit that men pull, you're better equipped to walk away if a potential romantic partner isn't giving you all that you want and the situation isn't maximizing your benefit. You don't need to justify or give any excuses. You are completely justified in ghosting, and you don't owe them SHIT. You can literally block a motherfucker for any reason, even if you're just bored and feel like being evil or petty. Your choices are valid, as is, period. If you don't feel like having him in your life. BLOCK, DELETE, IGNORE, NEXT!

Third. Dating is actually EASIER when you're emotionally nauseated and don't feel like dealing with men. It's like the filter has come off, the gloves are off, and the rose-colored glasses have been thrown out. Dating when you're emotionally nauseated means you're more likely to turn down a dude who's bullshitting, it'll be easier to ghost moids this way, trust me. You'll discover that you're IMMUNE to love-bombing, especially when the pullback/slow-fade happens. You'll be able to NOPE them faster and pine over them less, and forget them easier. You'll get better results because your tolerance for bullshit is even LOWER and you aren't willing to put up with ANY bullshit. This will only yield you better results.

It runs counter to the male-authored dating advice that's spewed at women which advises them to "wait" before dating. Sure, wait, if you need space or time to heal, but realize that emotional nausea is a powerful weapon that will enable you to reject ruthlessly, and get over a moid faster. That's why they don't want you to date when you feel sick of men. Because you'll be more ruthless. Male-authored dating "advice" advises women who are fresh out of breakups to "wait" because it maximizes the chances that her male ex will be able to beg for her back, or she might feel lonely or desperate enough to sleep with him again. It also puts women in a position where they're at risk of ruminating on their ex, stalking social media profiles, watching him move on, and letting loneliness and desperation fester. This leads to hasty, risky situations which don't maximize the woman's benefit. This male authored "advice" works against women. Date when you're emotionally nauseated. You'll have better results with higher standards and lower tolerance for bullshit.

ino_y · 2019-10-31T13:37:14+00:00

Ditch the apps. Join social groups and hang out with fun friends. Observe men for at least a month and slowly upgrade them from stranger to acquaintance. Building trust takes time. Finding out if someone has integrity and has good character can't be done over dinner.

copingwithshit · 2019-10-31T15:07:02+00:00

Having an abundance mindset. Date/talk to/meet multiple people at once. Don’t focus on anyone too soon. Doing this helps me avoid getting anxiously attached and keeps me from turning into an emotional idiot. It also makes dating more fun. I know it sounds hard, but it’s much harder when you’re focused on the wrong person. Also, always prioritize yourself and your hobbies. Dating should be an added bonus.

2019-10-31T13:30:04+00:00

A key is to keep your focus on yourself, your life and your own interests. Try to do this for the first month of dating someone of interest. During this time also keep dating other people. Nobody gets your heart, soul or body during the early dating period. This will protect you and help weed out the time wasters.

toleodo · 2019-10-31T14:15:24+00:00

EXPECT online dating to be mostly duds and a process that could take you a while, and believe men when they show you their true colors - no one trying to hint at sex in the first conversation when you are trying to just talk normally is going to turn gentleman if you show up at the date acting classy enough, and a guy that waits 24h to respond to a text isn’t going to be attentive later on.

I am currently in a committed relationship and only started having sex/dating in the middle of my twenties, and it’s so clear in hindsight that no guy was actually worth that second date just to give it a chance after getting weird vibes the first date - even though I came to my senses and cut them off with another bad date, it was a waste to mistrust my own gut because people in my life thought I was maybe just being too harsh and needed to give them another shot, or believe that I was running out of time because I became interested in an LTR later than most. The latter at least you won’t have an issue with it seems, you seem pretty head on shoulders about not wanting to put much emotional investment in men early on.

Deadgirl1888 · 2019-10-31T18:27:47+00:00

I used bumble for the first time ever and found my current ltr bf. His profile had him with animals and we had similar interests. I reached out and we ended up talking and joking all afternoon over messaging. He suggested we meet up for some food and we ended up talking from 8pm until 2 am. When the bar started closing I said I was getting tired and he said he should head home but hoped we could meet up again soon I said yeah! We ended up having a really good conversation the whole next day so we decided to meet up at his house and hang out when he was off work. We ended up getting stoned and tipsy and he told me to take his bed and he'd sleep on the couch. I slept over woke up early and went home. That whole next day we talked and I told him next time I want to cuddle and watch a movie and he told me he did too. Anyway he never once pushed for sex I kind of jumped him 2 weeks later because he was so respectful of all my boundaries. We've been together ever since and I'm really happy. I think it's really important to make some solid boundaries for yourself before going out dating and also read up on the tactics narcissistic men use to trick women. Once you read up on it you can spot the bull shit from a mile away.

siddmartha · 2019-10-31T15:29:07+00:00

My advice is when you smell BS go with your gut feeling!! Trust it! My friend is on an app and got talking with this one guy and was actually forming a connection but she had a weird gut feeling something was off.. So she looked him up and found out he was married with kids... blocked him right away.

2019-11-02T18:31:36+00:00

I know several women who've met bfs and spouses through outdoorsy activities -- hiking, running, etc. You need something to supplement the apps, which are a shitshow for sure.

funmisticqueen · 2019-10-31T13:26:20+00:00

I do feel this way too, want to start dating a good guy but just can't find the energy. I am not really into online dating either. Keeping up with chats seem like too much work

How does one overcome that inertia, or get that motivation to put yourself out there, best foot forward and all.

Maybe I'm a slob

Title	Real talk... how the heck do you date?
Author	notreal280037
Upvotes	36
Comments	12
Date	October 31, 2019 1:12 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dpnca3/real_talk_how_the_heck_do_you_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/real-talk-how-the-heck-do-you-date.689106 https://theredarchive.com/post/689106

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