So we find a HVM how can we keep that without self sabotaging due to our own insecurities.

dirtysouthupnorth · 2019-12-15T19:13:37+00:00

I think it's imperative to maintain an independent social calendar, and work on our personal development continually so that, if and when necessary, we can be 100% ready to walk at any time. We have to give up that Disney idea of love and become somewhat stoic. We should enjoy that person in the moment while being realistic about the probability of the arrangement lasting forever.

jalapenopancakes · 2019-12-15T19:35:58+00:00

Two steps:

Your self worth has to be established completely outside of him. He cannot devalue your worth as a person if you are secure outside of your relationship with him. So what if he cheats? Then you dump him spectacularly and move on.
Establish yourself, your income, your career and your life without reliance on him. Even in marriage, always have a plan B.

This way, no matter what he does, you and your dignity will both be okay. Having both of these solidly in place will keep your insecurities in check or even completely at bay. Having that get out of jail for free card, ready at all times is a massive confidence booster.

Ryan89- · 2019-12-16T01:46:15+00:00

Honestly, the only way to get over this insecurity/anxiety is to accept the fact that he is a human who can let you down any instance. Shit can go left any minute but u gon be alright regardless. There is no guarantee that he or anybody is going to be a good person. All you can do is due diligence and not ignore red flags. Everything else is out of your hands. So why stress?

2019-12-15T22:28:12+00:00

Maintain your self esteem outside of the relationship

Be always ready to leave and walk out at the first sign of disrespect.

And if you're worries about cheating you can check his phone, but overall make sure you're not too worried about it.

FluffandRainclouds · 2019-12-16T02:04:29+00:00

One thing I noticed is that when you heal, those insecurities or jealousies come up for a reason. So don't judge yourself harshly for what you feel and find a 3rd party to bounce this situation off of (preferably a therapist who doesn't buy into the reconciliation industrial complex). If you read Chump Lady you know what I mean.

extraacct1234 · 2019-12-15T20:38:57+00:00

Snoop all of his stuff. Install keyloggers and apps that take screenshots.

Title	So we find a HVM how can we keep that without self sabotaging due to our own insecurities.
Author	Ryan89-
Upvotes	28
Comments	11
Date	December 15, 2019 6:48 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eb2suv/so_we_find_a_hvm_how_can_we_keep_that_without/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/so-we-find-a-hvm-how-can-we-keep-that-without-self.686884 https://theredarchive.com/post/686884

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