Thank you, FDS!

janetheautomaton · 2020-12-20T23:29:55+00:00

The biggest way FDS has helped me is how it validated all the things that I'd previously thought I was being unreasonable about or blamed myself for. I let men convince me that I was crazy or hormonal instead of understanding that I was just upset because they were treating me badly. The deception and gaslighting were off the charts, and enabled by my "friends." I look back at myself sometimes and think How stupid, but what's stupid about being eaten alive with fear and anxiety because someone you care about is lying to and using you?

I came to FDS and realized I was sane enough, I was just in denial. I was allowing others to tell me what to think and believing them over myself, to my extreme detriment. I valued the opinions and wants of others over my own judgment and needs and it was destroying me.

And that's why I advocate FDS, because the core message isn't about men at all. It's about being true to yourself and your own best interests, while the whole rest of society and the world sometimes seem designed to make you do the opposite.

Mind-Objective · 2020-12-21T00:05:47+00:00

The one crucial thing this community has taught me:

“Yes, if he wanted to, he would. What matters is that he didn’t.”

This mantra has saved me from long nights of ruminating and wanting to run back to that person. Some other things that come to mind is not being afraid to focus on my well being even if it risks me looking like a b**** . I’m not dating right now but looking back, I used to be much more accepting of big age gaps. Now I can’t even withstand watching this dynamic play out in the dramas and shows I watch. For example, why is a 31/32 year old man dating a 21/22 year old university student????

It has been close to four months since he and I talked in any capacity. Some things I accomplished: I started learning how to do makeup after 20 something years, ended friendships that no longer fit into my life, created a local social group for women, and recently found an opportunity to volunteer at a non profit.

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2020-12-20T23:43:34+00:00

I just hope you young uns can learn from my mistakes.

There are so many expectations of you, from society, to set aside all your hopes and dreams so you can wet nurse a man-child to maturity.

Go get what you want in life and don't let other people tell you what you can and cannot want for your own damn life.

gingerwabisabi · 2020-12-21T02:35:11+00:00

I've started evaluating every single man I run across by if he lives up to the standards an ordinary woman lives up to. Mind blowing.

Ugythrowaway123 · 2020-12-21T00:49:40+00:00

Definitely with self improvement, both physically and mentally. I dreamed of looking the way I do currently. I feel amazing too.

AntarcticNights · 2020-12-21T01:44:49+00:00

I treat myself with respect now, I’m about to start hitting the gym, and while I’m still learning, I’m also setting more boundaries. I’m dating someone but if it doesn’t work out I doubt I’ll date anyone ever again. Men have been mostly a source of disappointment in my life and I want to focus on myself more.

Mysterious_Midnight7 · 2020-12-21T03:51:45+00:00

I love what I learned about not emotionally investing yourself completely in a man. I was completely and utterly crippled in this way before, I used to LOVE having crushes and being sickeningly infatuated. FDS saved my mental health.

Title	Thank you, FDS!
Author	AlarmedSunflower
Upvotes	89
Comments	8
Date	December 20, 2020 9:03 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kh2aca/thank_you_fds/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/thank-you-fds.339760 https://theredarchive.com/post/339760

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