Reposting under an alt account because my other profile has a selfie and there are some CREEPY creeps out there who love to stalk FDS members!

Anyway.

I can’t believe that this time last year, I was desperately surviving off of breadcrumbs from my narcissistic LVX. He wasn’t even that attractive, but I had such low self worth that I was constantly questioning myself, and he was all too happy to do things that made me doubt myself further. Whether it was the snide comments, the gaslighting, the situationship, the cheating (I was the other woman! Surprise! And she just had their son! Surprise again!), or the gradual objectification of my body...I did not feel safe, secure, loved, SEEN, or cherished at all. I was just a source of attention and sex to him.

I walked away from that relationship once I learned the depths of his depravity and that he was a lost cause. I blocked his number and email addresses, and his baby’s mother and I became friends. We helped each other get through that awful shit show, but I still think I’m the luckier one because I got to make a clean break....she still has to deal with him because of their shared child (who he didn’t want, didn’t claim, and doesn’t help with, but is still using as a tie to her...he’s really awful).

It was during this healing time that I came across FDS. At first, I wasn’t sure what to think. Everyone seemed so sassy and maybe a bit harsh. But the more I read, the more I listened, the more everything made sense. I realized I was a pickme, and I had rationalized away all the red flags of that relationship (walk dates, always going to his house at night, he was cheap, no gifts, little to no effort on his part, etc etc) in the name of accepting someone for all their flaws and wanting to be loved by someone. All of it...all the reading, all the realizations.....

They made me fucking pissed at myself.

I am a goddamn catch. I own a home, I’m a great mother, I’m working on my PhD, I’m fully employed and earn a good salary, I have great friends and family, I am a pianist and archer, I’ve traveled all over the damn world, etc etc etc... And yet I allowed this low effort dude make me question my crown?

Never again.

So, over time, I became more savage towards men. I didn’t let them talk over me at work. I spoke my goddamn mind. I set boundaries and enforced consequences. I told people what I thought and let them deal with their own emotions. I stepped away from other people’s dramas, stopped watching shows that propagated stupid male-first ideals, and focused on myself and my daughter. And you know what? It felt great.

It felt great to be seen and heard, to be listened to and respected. It felt great to stop giving my energy and attention to men who did nothing to deserve it. It felt great to feel 100% ok with walking away from something I genuinely don’t give a shit about and don’t need in my life.

But it also felt great when I finally came across a HVM, and we saw each other for what we were.

I tell you...I have never been so treasured, catered to, loved, and appreciated as much as I have been by this man. I didn’t make it easy for him, but he stayed the course and showed me who he was at each step. He made it clear where his mind was from the beginning, and now, after only five months together, we went ring shopping.

Trust me, ladies, I am putting this man through his paces, and I do slip back into my pickme ways sometimes....but HE won’t let me stay there. For example, I didn’t like the huge blinged out rings, so I asked the salespeople to show me something simpler yet still elegant. They started showing me small rings that were in the $1-$2k range, and I was preparing myself internally to accept that, but my HVM interrupted us with, “That won’t do. We are looking for something in the $10-$15k range. Honey, get something nice. You deserve it.”

So, thank you, FDS. Thank you for making me aware and so bloody angry at my pickme ways. Thank you for helping me see my inner worth, my badassery, my ability to decide how I feel about myself with or without a man. And thank you for helping me learn the difference between NVM/LVM/HVM... It is a whole new experience on this side of the coin, and I am very satisfied for now. :)