This is actually a very valid question. Why is it that men feel so entitled as to assume that a women will prioritize him over her father, but he doesn’t reciprocate that same energy while prioritizing his wife over his mother?

myousername · 2020-08-25T21:33:12+00:00

Especially pop culture-wise. I was just in a store where they were playing “Rude” before I came across this.

If a man asks for a woman’s hand in marriage from her father, and the father says no - then he (the father) is a bad guy and they should sneak behind his back.

But it’s just cannon that mother in laws and the bride are supposed to dislike each other and the son doesn’t have to put in effort to fix that relationship (he can just love them both equally)?

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2020-08-26T01:15:19+00:00

If a man says weird things about his mother always coming first, in his mind he's already found ways to use his own mother to degrade you.

Don't wait to see, even if his mother lives in another state and has multiple other sons and a living spouse, somehow your partner will be the one who always needs to drive her somewhere, clean the garage, mow the lawn, trim a tree, etc...

miloba_ · 2020-08-25T23:49:24+00:00

This will vary drastically from culture to culture IMO. Anecdotally, I’ve dated two Latin men in the past; I would not put it past them to pick their mothers over me when it came down to it, despite being in long term relationships with both. Both had to make it veryyyy clear that their moms approved of me after meeting them for the first time.

hongkonghenry · 2020-08-25T21:42:59+00:00

Ugh. If my son ever mistreats his future spouse in any way I will have some serious words with him. I'm trying to raise a HVM!!

goldiebaby · 2020-08-26T00:21:05+00:00

Mommy issues will be magnified 1000 times if you date/marry a guy from a traditional culture. Unfortunately, even to this day, most cultures are "traditional." Outside of the US, Canada, UK, Western and Northern Europe and Australia, most cultures have messed up mommy-son entanglements, especially the first born or only son.

I am married to a Russian man, but he only reason I dated him was because he was very americanized and wouldn't take his parents' highly sexist BS. He also recognized his toxic, religious fundie mother's behavior and went NC with her before we got married. Neither of us can stand his shitty family one bit and have cut off contact over the years.

If you choose to date from a traditional culture, proceed carefully and be aware that many men do not drop the mask until you are married.

GlitteringAdvice2020 · 2020-08-26T07:52:50+00:00

Want to know a secret? Men play their wives and mothers against each other. I’ve seen it countless times. They act like a helpless victim to both while complaining about one to the other and making the other seem like a villain. That’s not to say that it happens just like that 100% of the time but if men grew up and invested in a professional therapist instead of using the women in their lives a free therapy I can guarantee you a lot of MIL/DIL relationships would improve.

ALSO, men need to grow up in general. They expect mommy to take care of them until their married and then it’s wifeys turn to take care of him. Of course there is gonna be conflict when this happens.

Works_For_Treats · 2020-08-26T02:12:54+00:00

I've never thought about this before in the slightest, but it's totally true. Dad (a good one) steps back and lets the children fly off on their own. No fucking problem. Never once in my life has my dad even crossed my mind when it came to my marriage or my priorities.

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