Reading anyway? Don't jump all over me harshly after you do. I'm easily triggered. I have C-PTSD from the domestic violence of my 15-year abusive marriage, which ended 5+years ago and left me with gigantic trust and boundary issues, as well as pain. I've tried dating since then, but I've only met one man who I can really stand. I fell in love with him.

It's taking me two+ years to let down my guard enough to trust a man and let him be good to me. He's not perfect (no one is), but he's good and I want him. I'm struggling with what to let go of and what to fight for in my relationship.

My man doesn't respond to 1/4 of the questions or comments I make to him in messages. It hasn't changed even though I've complained about it. We usually don't see each other more than once or twice a week, so we message every day. It annoys me when he doesn't respond to something I wrote, because I like a lot of attention from my man. I'm used to getting a lot of attention from men, but I realize that at my age (54), I have to adjust my expectations. Sometimes he doesn't respond to things I say in person either. He just doesn't respond to someone if he doesn't want to, for whatever reason, and that's how he is. I feel like I should just accept this as a quirk about him, and not take it personally, just as surely I have undesirable qualities that I want him to overlook. Relationships are give and take, and it's not always roses and lollipops. I don't want to fight insignificant battles.

I often message him first, which seems the wrong move to make, but I don't take it to mean that I care more than he does about us / the relationship. I'm sure he loves / cares about me / the relationship even when we're apart. I think rather than messaging me all day he prefers to focus on me mainly when we're together, and focus on other things when we're apart. I want to be with him more often, but I'm a busy mother of three and he has a full-time job and a life/kids of his own. We like our separate lives and we like each other but we don't want to merge our already full and complicated lives.

Our relationship has been very passionate, emotionally and sexually—almost volatile. We need breaks in-between being together to chill out, even though we miss each other when we're apart. It's been almost two years, off and on. We just got back together after a 3-month separation, probably the longest we've had in the two years since we met. He said we need to take it slowly and I agree. We both know from experience what problems can arise from rushing into relationships. I don't want to bicker over small things. I've decided that I'll compromise, concede where necessary, and work with him on our relationship, rather than stay separated from him permanently and look for someone else. This is no small thing for me as one who doesn't like to compromise or give up easily. A permanent ending was a real possibility up until about a week ago.

Please don't tell me I need to be alone, focus on myself, love myself, and not settle for anything less than what I want/deserve. I know what I want and deserve right now and it's him. I want to make it work with him. That doesn't mean I want to settle for less than I deserve. Problem is, I've never been a good negotiator. And he knows how to stand his ground. My struggle is with what to let go of, what to fight for, and how to negotiate the best relationship deal with this man without walking away entirely.