Much to unpack here. These are just some points I've derived from dating men from both outside, and within my cultural background.

🚩He never bothered to take initiative in learning / practicing another language. I want to start this conversation by acknowledging that second-language learning is a class privilege that many may not have access to. This flack is specifically for men who had access to learn another language a chose not to.

For example, in Canada, French is an official language. More often than not, better jobs require at least some knowledge of French. A good chunk of the Canadian population, including new comers, may speak only French. A basic spoken ability is needed to travel throughout the country with ease (IMO). French is actually a mandatory part of early education, so not continuing on with it in high school, post-secondary, and/or professionally is a choice. In my experience, Canadian men who proudly declare they hate French are not open to / accepting of other cultures in general. Like, they can at least hate French for the right reasons, you know? (I mean, it is a colonizer language!) Mostly, this speaks to their privilege, as they did not need to learn French to survive/thrive, and they're proud of that or whatever.

🚩He doesn't speak his mother tongue. This goes for men who grew up in a household whos first language was not an official language of the country he grew up in. I would even go so far to say that it's a red flag for them to not even be interested in learning the basics of their ancestral language, even if their parents didn't speak it primarily at home. I have found with this type of man, this may be because they do not identify with their race/ethnicity (unless it's in the bedroom, you know like p*rn categories 🤢. How he sees himself is a reflection of how he sees you 🚩🚩). When a man does not identify with his cultural upbringing/background, this tells me he is deeply ashamed of who he is. Insecurity is not an attractive trait."((This is a dense conversation that maybe I'm not the best equipped to dive into here).)

🚩He is not interested in learning your language. It's embarrassing! Many of my family members don't speak any English, so my partner needs to at least be open to learning basic conversational skills to be able to competently interact with them. And it's okay for me to want that. It speaks to the level of investment I want from a partner. If they're not even asking you to teach them basic vocabulary, they're not interested in you! I mean, all of you. Not just the part of you that speaks English (or whatever language they speak).

🚩He says he wants you to teach him your language. Perhaps early on in the talking stage. These types usually have very little to offer in return for your labour, and are simply looking to use you better themselves (for some one else, probably. Bonus red flags if he admits he has a thing for women of your race/ethnicity).

🚩He says he can teach you. Hear me out. Ideally, I would want to date some one who speaks my mother tongue to have regular conversational practice. However, there are many patronizing men who are simply shit teachers because they lack care, compassion, and patience. This flag also applies to men who use language lessons to future fake. They say they'll teach you in the early stages of dating, and dodge it whenever you bring it up.

🚩He sucks at language, like, in general. He could speak multiple languages, and not be a good communicator in any of them. It happens (source: the grammatical errors throughout this post 😬). Watch out for consistent spelling, grammatical, or conversational errors. Bonus red flags if you correct him and he ignores you, or reacts adversely/defensively. This is the type that will spell your name incorrectly on important documents. He may not read instructions properly (or at all). How can you communicate your complex emotional needs with some one you can't trust to read the instructions on a ready-made meal? It's just a bad time. Furthermore, it could be an indication that he sucks at mirroring, an important part of developing intimacy.